Category: Puppy

The “action” sequences are almost as cheezy as the quasi-60’s “epic” film score.

At all other points, it’s very well-made and it is certainly as disturbing as it is intelligent.  A fictional documentary of perhaps the absolute height of parasitical development – The infestation in human form.

For all the morons that worship serial killers for their “Non-Conformity” to banality, here’s the Sterling example of the problem with that…for every person that conforms to societal norms of limits/regulations of acceptable conduct because they’re too stupid and/or afraid to do otherwise, there’s one (hopefully many more) that does so because they accept the fact that without certain simple, basic generally accepted absolute limits on behavior (e.g. you can’t kill and eat someone for sadistic pleasure as Hannibal Lecter does) the world would be even more fcked up than it already is.

Only Pure Anarchists, Lunatics, and Liars would dispute this.

Hannibal Lecter, and any real-life variation thereon = Tremendous and complete waste of vast human potential reducing said person to the equivalent of any other parasite…a mosquito or tick, for example.  That such a trivial thing can be worshipped is a statement on the desperation of some for an escape from the very same banality they supposedly despise.

Nor is he Will Smith (circa Men In Black)

Jackie Chan is no actor (although he’s entertaining and fun to watch in his sincerity, effort, and self-effacing humor(see the outtakes)…and a great martial artist).

But they work up a simply (by that I mean simple, not purely) charming on-screen relationship, aided by a good script, good supporting cast, and good ideas.

Chris Penn is great as a briefly-appearing convincing criminal, and the bad guy’s main henchman is amazingly soft-spoken, cunning and Rabid as a Wombat.

It’s quite entertaining to watch if you don’t demand Master Thespians.

Are you not entertained??!!

Inspirational Quote: “Wipe yourself off, man…you dead.”

Grade: B+

And it has nothing to do with car chases, explosions, or any other generic action-film sh1t.

It’s about one brilliant mind versus another.

Lots and lots of loud, martial, “inspirational” music, riveting “action”, tons and tons of sh1t blowing the FCK up(!!), tons of other sh1t smashing into more other sh1t, some of that sh1t then BLOWING UP(!!!), oodles of manly man macho “dialogue”, some of it manly male-bonding, some of it manly-man conflict, 99 44/100 percent pure adrenaline, 100 percent overload of testosterone.

In other words, a typical Simpson/Bruckheimer flick.

I cannot use the word “film”, as “flick” is the appropriate term.

Unlike some of their better efforts, especially ‘Crimson Tide’, this does NOT escape the unbelievably absurd formula-muck most of their films/flicks slog through or sink down into.

‘Crimson Tide’ has less bullsh1t, less “action”, less cr@ppy “dialogue”, some decent characters, and the benefit of two great actors(Denzel Washington and Gene Hackman) and a great supporting cast.

This has Nic Cage and Sean Connery.  Scarcely replacement…and the same goes for the supporting cast.

It has its moments…if you can somehow overlook or cringe/laugh through the character/plot “development”, the scenes with Ed Harris/David Morse/The rest of the “bad” guys (especially briefly with Connery) are interesting.  And when you throw this much sh1t on the screen trying for excitement, you’re bound to generate at least SOME.  Caveat Emptor.

Inspirational Quote: “Patriotism…is the Virtue, of the vicious…according to Oscar Wilde.”

I don’t buy it, and it’s easy to ignore the message when the movie sucks.  Really sucks.

Inspirational Misspelling: Look for the sign.

If you haven’t seen the first, I’d recommend seeing it.  If you don’t plan on seeing the third, this is optional but not necessary.  If you do plan on seeing the third, this is good enough to watch once as a warm-up.

Inspirational Quote: “It rains because you’re sad.”

It’s creepy as hell, of course…but it takes 81 minutes to accomplish what ‘Impeccable Lifeboat Cannibals’ and ‘The Undertaker Sketch’ do in about 5.

Inspirational Quote: from this movie?  dialogue is at a premium.

Inspirational Quote: “You know I’ve noticed an infestation here.  Everywhere I look in fact.  Nothing but undeveloped, unevolved, barely conscious pond scum…totally convinced of their own superiority as they scurry about their short…pointless…lives.”

The lack of any attempt at humor or intelligence leaves one wondering how a film about a man surgically attaching people together could be really, really dull.

“…the grotesque fusion at least silences the female leads, both of whose voices could strip paint.” – Jeannette Catsouli

Inspirational tongue-lick: guy climbing the stairs.

Inspirational Quote: “I should have known if a guy like me talked to a girl like you, somebody would end up dead”

Grade: C+

Inspirational Quote: “No thank you.  I take it black…like my men.”

Not really a “War” movie because, well…the war’s over when the film starts.  It blends action, drama, and comedy (sometimes obvious and sometimes cutely subtle) without any of the three elements taking away from any of the other three.  Quite a trick, really.  In that way it’s a bit Princess Bride-ish (that’s a compliment) without the romance (unless you count Clooney’s quickie).

A bit overlooked when it came out, this should have done a lot better than it did.

An excellent film.

Inspirational Quote: “Major Gates Major Gates!!!”

It’s well-acted and contains characters with actual personalities that generated genuine reactions from me, both positive and negative, sometimes a little of both, which is necessary for a great film.

I find the moral ambiguity still refreshing and the movie still undated 26 years later.

Willem Dafoe is always a plus, and Tom Berenger turns in the performance of his career.

What the hell happened to Charlie Sheen?

Inspirational Quote: “I don’t need that sh1t…I AM reality.”

A lot of people who didn’t grow up at or around the heyday of Arena Rock will probably just see this as a completely absurd collection of nonsense…but the fact that this was, at least at one time, VERY close to reality is just as sad as it is funny.

Nevertheless, it’s a must-see if you haven’t already and from what I hear it’s pretty d@mn accurate as pertains to a lot of its targets, according to some of the targets themselves.

Inspirational Quote: “You can’t really dust for vomit”

Grade: A-

A notch below ‘Clear and Present Danger’ because, although it is similarly complex, interesting, and “action-packed” it hasn’t aged QUITE as well, and because Alec Baldwin, while undeniably charming and talented in his own way, is no Harrison Ford.

But being the second-best film adaptation of a Tom Clancy novel featuring James Earl Jones isn’t a bad thing.

Inspirational Quote: “I didn’t.  I had a 50/50 chance and I needed a break.  Sorry.”

Grade: B+

The basics are plucked from Stephen King’s novel, but this is Kubrick’s film, not a “movie version of the book”.  I much prefer Kubrick’s emphasis on terror/insanity than King’s more mundane “haunted house” and more silly animated evil hedge creatures. (If you haven’t read the book, don’t ask).

Nicholson is perfect in a scary sort of way, given his character.  Noone else is “bad”, but he’s the STAR, which makes his slow descent that much more powerful.

Perhaps you have to be slightly twisted as well as brilliant to produce a brilliantly twisted film.  If so, Kubrick fits the bill perfectly.

There are a few hokey moments, but they’re easily overlooked.

I’ve heard/read that Stephen King isn’t too fond of Kubrick’s version of this story.  Frankly, I find this puzzling, as this film is brilliant, unlike movie versions of ‘Firestarter’, ‘Children of the Corn’, ‘Pet Sematary’, ‘Salem’s ‘Lot’, ‘The Running Man’…the list goes on.  And on.

Fortunately, being disliked by Stephen King doesn’t hold quite the weight it used to…given his output of the past 15-odd years, that is.

I’m truly amazed that Richard Bachman would lower himself to the continued use of the pen name “Stephen King”, at this point.

Overall Result: A work of (demented) art.

Inspirational Quote: “It’s okay…he saw it on the television.”

This is a great movie up until the end, at which point it becomes predictable, hokey, and utterly disappointing, each in turn.

There’s really no point in even WATCHING the ending…just read the Wikipedia summary when things start to get dull.  UNTIL then, watch the movie, because most of it is far from dull.

Inspirational Quote: “Your word is who you are.”

Maybe I’m missing something, but it seems to me that, despite some certainly “interesting” moments, this is the sort of film that people who aren’t particularly intelligent think is clever and that they are really smart for knowing just how clever it is.  Which it isn’t.

Denne filmen suger.

Grade: F-

But the acting (at least I hope it’s acting) is better than in your average useless gorefest, and the heroine’s tenacity and resiliency are impressive.

For every decent horror flick I see (say, ‘Fido’, though that’s more a comedy) I have to sit through ten of these (or worse).  Why do I do it?  The answer, as with the First Citiwide Change Bank, is simple.

Volume.