Category: Puppy

DIEner (2010)

The wanna-be-Ed-Norton-from-Fight-Club Likeness of the Long-Droning Sociopath.

OR

How to get all your friends into a horror film.

OR

A sign of the state of decline of available Netflix streaming movies.

Inspirational Quote: “I regret nothing!”

Grade: F

9/15/13: F List pruning.  Plus, I’ve always had a nagging suspicion this was a low D-.  Grade: D-

Fido (2007)

When it starts off extremely promising and then begins to let down slightly, I got that “Oh no not again” sinking feeling I’ve gotten so many times before with movies that have great “ideas” but after introducing them, fail to execute them in any really interesting fashion.

However, although nothing in the rest of the movie fully lives up to the intro set-up, it’s moderately entertaining throughout.

The 50’s/60’s conformist nostalgia angle is extremely well done, the movie is amusing if not really “funny”, and it pulls off the best understatedly twisted take on death (look for the magazine) this side of ‘Fallout’.

Inspirational Quote: “You crazy, wonderful zombie!”

Grade: B

Contagion (2011)

Cliche and dull.  It would be preferable (more time-consuming and just as boring, but more informative) to read a full-length CDC evaluation of potential pandemic risks and responses.

Nothing that isn’t shown somewhere else with slightly more excitement/flair…that is to say, any at all.

If you’re waiting for the ending to save it, well…it’s certainly a surprise.

Eric Idle character from MPFC on a film of similar interest level: “Go on, protest, do something about it, assault the manager, demand your money back.” (SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE…)

Grade: F

Advice I should have taken

If someone tells you that in the past, for years, they were knowingly and intentionally a horrible person…that they used people like toys for their own amusement and then tossed them aside when they ceased to be “amusing” to them, were vicious, cruel, knowingly and willingly sadistic, and that they pretended to be a “normal” person and acted as such in order to fool people into trusting their intentions as a “nice” person so as to gain their confidence so that they could play with their heads and then laugh about it…

BUT says they’re “much better now”…

Be just a BIT cautious concerning them.

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Three… Extremes: Box (2004)

A thinking person’s horror film.

Containing actual ideas beyond gore and Shock-O-Rama, this fairly intelligent and comparatively brilliant entry by Takashi Miike makes one want to hum “One of these things is not like the others…” after watching the first two.  Intriguing, it’s also by far the least bloody of the three films and by far the best.

Grade: C+

5/7/14: “Comparatively” is the key word.  Grade: C

Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead (1995)

It’s only Pulp Fiction-esque in that it’s really weird and it’s about crime.

It’s not told in anywhere near the same way, it’s not nearly as quirky and it’s much more based on actions than on symbolism and interestingly meaningless dialogue.

It’s also not laughably over-rated as a landmark of American cinema, which is appropriate.

I’d take this over Pulp.  At least I don’t have to watch Travolta dancing again.

Grade: B+

6/3/12: Ok, I wouldn’t take it over Pulp.  But Tarantino should be reviled for revitalizing Travolta’s career.  He should have picked Andy Garcia…he shows here why he’s more worthy.  Grade: B

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: B-

He Said I Could

“Nothing is original.
Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your
imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery — celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from — it’s where you take them to.”” – Jim Jarmusch

From ‘Meditations’

“In the end, what would you gain from everlasting remembrance?
Absolutely nothing. So what is left worth living for? This alone:
justice in thought, goodness in action, speech that cannot deceive,
and a disposition glad of whatever comes, welcoming it as necessary, as
familiar, as flowing from the same source and fountain as yourself.”

– Marcus Aurelius

10/16/16: Tiny spacing alteration, kept the font cuz it’s cool. (housekeeping)

Swimming With Sharks (1994)

Buddy Ackerman is over-played a bit.

Unless he really IS based on an actual human being, in which case it just seems (a bit) overplayed.

Either way, despite going just a LITTLE too far in the how-unlikeable-can-I-render-this-character department, Kevin Spacey does a brilliant and (a bit too, perhaps) convincing job of portraying a ruthless, merciless, cold-blooded and yet socially accepted psychopath…the kind that survives (even flourishes) because its weapon of choice is abuse, ridicule, and intimidation.

Frank Whaley (who?) is just as convincing as Guy, the prototypical good guy whose goodness becomes the focal point of the movie as it is tested repeatedly by Buddy’s blatant abuse until something has to give…and something does.

Saying more would sort of ruin it…worth a watch if you want to see how to appear menacing while discussing artificial sweeteners.

Inspirational Quote: “What do you REALLY want?”

Grade: A

Avatar (2009)

One of the most breathtakingly beautiful sights I have ever seen (including reality), the visuals are truly stunning and beyond complaint.  As I mentioned while watching it, “There could be no dialogue at all and I’d still want to watch the entire movie”.

Unfortunately, the visual display isn’t supported by dialogue that’s anything more than average, and the heavy-handedness of the rather obvious moral preaching (If you can’t spot the metaphors to reality, distant past and recent past, you need to read more American History) gets a bit tiresome after a while.  Not that I don’t AGREE with it…but you don’t need to slam people over the head with the obvious parallels to reality. 

Think of it sort of as a more ambitious but not as far-reaching sci-fi version of ‘Dances With Wolves’.

Grade: B

7/25/12: If you don’t mind obvious, this is as beautiful as it gets.  Grade: B+

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)

Good old Jack at his devilish best, as well as a very good supporting cast displaying a wide array of emotions very convincingly.

The movie is more comedic drama with a bit of intense tragedy thrown in, whereas the book (from what I understand) is much more dark and intellectual.

R.P. McMurphy is an a$$hole, but at least he’s a GENUINE one…and a genuine anything, of course, is very hard to find.

Perhaps slightly over-rated by those who hail it as a masterpiece of American cinema (usually in retrospect after having written middling reviews when it first came out), it nonetheless is a truly great film and a Puppy must-watch, if not own.

Inspirational Quote: “I’m a Godd@mn marvel of modern science”

Grade: A

True Grit (2010)

I generally find westerns boring, not because of the setting but because they invariably are stupid, macho, and corny.  I’ve found a few exceptions, most notably ‘Unforgiven’, so I thought I’d give this remake a shot, as it had the advantage of not featuring John Wayne, at least.

It’s not stupid, macho, or corny…but it is boring.

The problem is that the believable characters are unlikeable and the likeable characters are unbelievable.  Jeff Bridges conveys about as much charm as Billy Bob Thornton in ‘Sling Blade’, but his character’s excuse (stupidity/alcoholism) isn’t near as valid as Thornton’s character (severe mental illness).  And Thornton’s character at least has quirks…and interesting dialogue.

Vastly overrated.

Grade: D

Carver (2008)

And the award for Most Dumbass Pathetic White Trash Serial Killer goes to –

The big fat guy in this movie.

I’m not being desensitized to the atrocious, horrible things done in this movie and in “horror” films like it, I’m just amazed at how many of these works of horsesh1t actually make it to film…they’re all the same – Dull, Meaningless, Stupid, Gratuitous…I mean, when you make ‘Friday the 13th’ look inventive by comparison, that’s sad. 

They say Truth is stranger than Fiction.  In this case, it’s just as dull.

“Based On Actual Events”, so I guess there’s a big dumb fat guy in jail somewhere getting a royalty check from this.

Worthless tripe…everything ‘Land of the Dead’ is not and what ignorant morons would prefer it to be.

Grade: F-

The Book Of Eli (2010)

It could use a bit more humor, as the few (refreshing) humorous moments make abundantly clear.  It could also use better supporting actors outside the “main” ones.  But the idea is ingenious, it’s well-written, well-made, Denzel Washington is great (as usual), Gary Oldman is delightfully weird (as usual), and Mila *bleepin* Kunis is the huge surprise…I didn’t expect much beyond (maybe) competence after seeing her accurately play a total ditz on ‘That 70’s Show’, but her character is intelligent, suitably emotional, and very believable.

To complain more, there are periods where it lags…but there are also some extremely interesting scenes and a few surpriiiiiiiiises.

Inspirational Quote: “Put that hand on me again you won’t get it back”

Evil IQ: “You don’t HAVE to understand…*I* understand…”

Grade: A-

8/30/14: It didn’t move me this time the way it has, but I think the above is still very accurate. And I wanted to quote one more time:

Inspirational Exchange:
“…I forgot to, live by what I learned from it.”
“Yeah, what’s that?”
“Just…do for others, more than you do for yourself. That’s what I got from it anyway.”

Grade: A-

Pearl of Wisdom

“It was far easier for you, as civilized men, to behave like barbarians than it was for them, as barbarians, to behave like civilized men.” – Spock

Analysis: Civility is the selective control of impulses, not the fear of them.  Something which some people don’t realize, perpetuating their view of tranquility and maintaining their ignorant self-satisfaction.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Bruiser (2000)

As with most George Romero films, this is much better in conception than in reality.

The idea(s?) is smart and twisted enough, but too often it plods along and hammers home things that could better be delivered in a different way…after all, Insinuation really makes it happen.

Peter Stormare is a genuine weirdo, a la ‘8MM’, but most of the other characters are as featureless and bland as the lead is intended to be a symbol of…they should all be wearing masks.

Still, it has a certain style about it that makes it at least…well, mildly interesting.

Grade: C

Fallen (1998)

How does a mere mortal go toe-to-toe with a Demon and have the outcome hanging in the balance until the very end?  Ingenuity, patience, dedication, and a LOT of help from the Demon’s “Pride”.

Parts of it are fascinating and parts of it are hokey.  Denzel Washington, as always, is brilliant.

Inspirational Quote: “You know why?  Because cigarettes kill…”

Grade: B-

Witness (1985)

First, as brilliant a depiction of the simplicity, humility, and common decency of the Amish community as any documentary ever made on the subject.

Second, a completely forbidden and impossible love story made only that much more compelling by the inevitable tragic ending to it.

Third, a movie about a witness to murder and about police corruption.

In that order of importance and relevance.

Kelly McGillis glides easily from pure joy to sheer terror in the blink of an eye, as she is both totally fascinated with and totally repelled by Harrison Ford’s outsider and everything he represents.

It’s a bit of a disappointment that this was the best they could come up with to showcase the first two elements, as the third element is a bit dull and completely irrelevant to what anyone watching the movie is CARING about, assuming you’ve ever in your life wanted something you knew you couldn’t have.

Grade: A-

A Simple Plan (1998)

A brilliantly made cure for happiness and tranquility.

Really, it’s a great film…but it’s so remarkably dark and relentlessly hopeless that there’s no point in watching it unless you revel in those feelings…and I don’t.

Recommended to masochists and as a gift for people you don’t like very much.

Inspirational Quote: “Do you ever feel Evil?”

Grade: A-

5/27/12: I simply refuse to call this a “must-see”.  Nyah!  Grade: B+

7/19/12: In blatant disregard for your state of mind, in complete accordance with critical integrity…Oh, the Humanity… Grade: A-

A Civil Action (1998)

The excellence of the supporting cast (Robert Duvall, William H. Macy, Tony Shalhoub, James Gandolfini, etc…) mostly overcomes the typically wooden performance of lead John Travolta.

Based on the 1996 book of the same name, this omits large portions of the actual events and takes some cinematic liberties.  If you want to know the “real” story, read the book or the court case transcripts.  If you’d prefer a less truthful but far more consistently engaging and interesting experience, watch the movie.

Duvall in particular is outstanding as Jerome Facher, and delivers some of the best lines of the film with an easy, calm, subtle brilliance.

Inspirational Quote: “I don’t run away from bullies”

Grade: B+

6/3/12: Too much excellence to be spoiled by Travolta’s inclusion.  And he doesn’t suck.  Grade: A-

The Thunderous Sound Of Delicacy

“You know, if I were you, I’d make a point of taking an hour or so away from all the noise and insanity of this place.”

(I should do that.)

“…And I’d make sure everyone knew I didn’t want to be disturbed during that hour or so of solitude. Because that would be *my* time, my own private time, which no one – if they had any sense of self-preservation at *all* – would dare interrupt.”

– ‘A Civil Action’

28 Days Later (2002)

It’s all the rage.  Ha!

Actually it’s quite good.  The script is very good, the direction is very good, and the acting is at least competent.  Which, given everything else, is enough.  Some of the visuals are stunning, in good and bad ways…in this film, the beautiful, peaceful, playful, and haunting exist intertwined with the grotesque, violent, vicious, and haunting.

I have no idea if it was intended, but I find symbolism in the fact that “Rage” inevitably destroys itself…the answer being no answer at all.  As with anger, it can keep you alive only for so long, no matter how strong it is.  Then you need something a bit more meaningful.  That, or you burn out.

What elevates this above the vast majority of “horror” films is what almost always does – Humanity.  The characters are portrayed as real, not absurd extremes of “Good” and “Evil”.  They’re capable of horrible and wonderful things…sometimes they’re happy, sometimes they’re sad, sometimes they’re scared…you know, real.

Two of my favorite scenes are the ‘Dawn of the Dead’ shopping homage, which is decidedly pleasant and amusing, and a scene near the end involving the male lead, which is decidedly unpleasant, and shows that human beings don’t need an infection to be truly enraged.

Inspirational Music: Inevitable build near the end.

Grade: A-

6/24/12: Not as gruesome as ‘Land’, but better.  Grade: A

By Any Other Name

Hondjie, Hvalp, Hundido, Pentu, Chiot, Welpe, Kiskutya, Hvolpur,
Coileainin, Cucciolo, Catulus, Kucens, Geru, Atimuss, Valp,
Szczeniak, Rikono, Catel, Cuilean, Kuzek, Cachorro, Kone, Kucuk, Txakurkume, Cadell, Stene, Jonge Hond, Kutsikas, Tuta, Can,
Hundchen, Kolyokkutya, Anak Anjing, Suniukas, Catellus, Stena,
Kuza, Yavru Kopek, Con Cho Con, Catulo, Cwn Bach

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Interpretation

“There is addiction to indulgence of sense-pleasures, which is low, coarse, the way of ordinary people, unworthy, and unprofitable; and there is addiction to self-mortification, which is painful, unworthy, and unprofitable.” -Buddha

Simplification: Moderation.

Thoughts:

Since the cause of suffering is desiring what one does not have, there are two ways to remove suffering.  One, to have everything one wants.  Two, to want nothing.  Since neither of these courses are logically feasible, one must decide what is obtainable and what is not.  Having done so, desire what you may have and disregard what you may not have.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Book Of The Void (Excerpts)

“What is called the spirit of the void is where there is nothing. It
is not included in man’s knowledge. Of course the void is
nothingness. By knowing things that exist, you can know that
which does not exist. That is the void…

…People in this world look at things mistakenly, and think that
what they do not understand must be the void. This is not the true void. It is bewilderment…

…Polish the twofold spirit heart and mind, and sharpen the twofold gaze perception and sight. When your spirit is not in the least clouded, when the clouds of bewilderment clear away, there is the true void…

…if we look at things objectively, from the viewpoint of laws of the
world, we see various doctrines departing from the true Way.
Know well this spirit, and with forthrightness as the foundation
and the true spirit as the Way. Enact strategy broadly, correctly and openly…

…In the void is virtue, and no evil. Wisdom has existance, principle
has existance, the Way has existance, spirit is nothingness.”

SHINMEN MUSASHI

10/16/16: Edited for visual continuity, no change to content. (housekeeping)