Category: Puppy

Is it just me?

Or does the surest proof of fate exist in the fact that almost everyone who becomes famous by using their intelligence, creativity, honesty, (dare I say) Humanity, and/or vitriolic rage to succeed in the “Entertainment” industry inevitably moves to either New York City or Los Angeles, whereupon they proceed to become inevitably more decadent and inevitably much, much less funny?

I mean, you can’t parody decadence, corporate greed, pretension, thuggery, and/or apathy if…you are them.

I watch MST3K and half the time I think “Wow, that was funny”…the other half I think “Wow, that was predictable in its unpredictability and I could do so much better”.

I mean, Monty Python’s Flying Circus (the ORIGINAL “Show about nothing that was really something”) was absolutely brilliant until they STOPPED CARING.

People can tell.

At least, intelligent ones can.

And I don’t want sheep to like me.

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Violence

Many people today argue that the “glorification” of violence is resulting in more violent episodes.

Many people previously had argued that the “sanitization” of violence was resulting in more violent episodes.

The fact is, people have always been violent, and always will be.

Noone comes out of a Disney movie and starts killing people unless they’re prone to doing it in the first place.

Likewise, attempts to blame films for violent incidents are ridiculous…

Sam Peckinpah was trying to horrify his audiences with his graphic depiction of violence, not have them cheer.

Clint Eastwood was trying to shock his audiences with the gritty, harsh, “hero-less” Anti-Western ‘Unforgiven’.

And how successful were they?

About as successful as George A. Romero has been.

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

It Conquered The World

“He wants you on his side. Next to me, he wants you.”

“And you want me to condone this reign of terror? To swear allegiance to this monstrous king of yours? To kill my own soul and all within reach? Well, I won’t, Anderson. I’ll fight it ’til the last breath in my body. And I’ll fight you, too, because you’re part of it – the worst part.

Because you belong to a living race, not a dying one. This is your land, your world. Your hands are human but your mind is enemy. You’re a traitor, Anderson. The greatest traitor of all time. And you know why? Because you’re not betraying part of mankind – you’re betraying all of it.”
– It Conquered The World

AKA: Back when Roger Corman gave a sh1t about more than schlock-money.  Was it all that much better quality-wise?  No.  But at least he was trying.

Zombies V. Vampires

SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE…

Who would I rather face, a zombie or a vampire?

Well, conventional logic and popular conception would suggest that a zombie would be easier to fight.

However, there is one great disadvantage to facing the zombie, that is also the great advantage in facing the zombie.

That is to say, a zombie is beyond reason.

Being a creature of pure instinct, it is incredibly stupid.  Slow, dim, able to use only the most basic objects, no tact, no tactics, no guile, physically weak, extremely flammable, etc etc etc…

However, these innate weaknesses mask a deeper innate strength, if you care to delve deeper into this nonsense…I mean conjecture.

A vampire is basically a glorified human being.  Incredible power breeds incredible ego, and so in this area the zombie wins. 

A zombie has no ego.  It has no pride, no remorse, no emotion, no sympathy, no discrimination, it isn’t “good” or “bad”, you can’t threaten it, persuade it, beg it, bribe it…it’s like trying to reason with a mosquito. 

And therein lies the problem.  Only the rarest of human beings (or, haha, vampires) are COMPLETELY beyond reasoning.  Having no “weaknesses”, no vulnerabilities, no vanity, etc. etc…

So, the next time you have to choose between a zombie and a vampire, at least give it some thought.  Remember, if you bow before a vampire and beg it, it may allow you to live.  A zombie will just eat you.

Thus ends this unbelievably silly post.  If anyone takes this seriously enough to argue about it, well…you’re probably a vampire.  OH!

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Review of every Woody Allen movie

Dull-Ugly-Pretentious-Boy Loses Girl.
Dull-Ugly-Pretentious-Boy Makes Lots of Dull, Pretentious Jokes.
Dull-Ugly-Pretentious-Boy Impresses Girl.
Dull-Ugly-Pretentious-Boy Lives Happily Ever After With Girl(Until Next Movie).

Or, as Tom Servo reviewed the MST3K short “A Date With Your Family”…

“The Woody Allen Story!”

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Trash

“His favorite books include such distopian classics such as “Animal Farm,” “Brave New World,” and “Fahrenheit 451,” and he was interested in mind control and creating a new form of currency. These are just of a few of the online clues left behind…” – Sharon Weinberger

To link anti-fascist, anti-repression, pro-education works of art like ‘Animal Farm’ and ‘Fahrenheit 451’ with mind control and creating new currency and pretending these wonderful books IN ANY WAY condone, pretend to condone, endorse, support, or are “clues” as to a DISGUSTING MASSACRE OF INNOCENT PEOPLE is beyond irresponsible.  It is reprehensible trash.  Sharon, why don’t you just list his race and “he was male” as other “relevant” facts as “clues” to him being a cold-blooded murderer?  And you call yourself a journalist.

Disgusting.

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

The Meaning Of Life

Previously I had surmised that the problems of Humanity lay in certain set doctrines, that one may be higher than another. 

Certainly there are ideologies that are more prone to exploitation and corruption than others, but the inherent problem with any belief system is that it must be followed by Humans.

The rational and/or spiritual mind can conceive of Good and Noble things, but those that are willing to pursue such ideals, even in the basest form, are rare, and seem to be more rare now than they have ever been.

To say that we are evolving is simply to overlook facts.

Humanity is evolving at a rapid rate intellectually and physically, but emotionally and morally we are, if anything, devolving.

Necessity and hardship tend to breed character, and with life becoming increasingly easier for the vast majority of people, character becomes unnecessary.

Long lifespans give us less reason to act in a decisive fashion, more resources allow us to become decadent and wasteful.

When life does not impose moral character upon us, it is that much more imperative that we act in a moral fashion of our own accord, but this is increasingly more difficult as the moral person today is considered quaint and out of touch.

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Shadow of the Vampire

Wow.

Chilling.  In one movie, understatement, subtle comedy, and the performance of Willem Dafoe’s career come together to provide what decades of slasher films have failed to – Terror.

Or, as paraphrased from Robert Christgau’s review of R.E.M.’s ‘Document’ –

“…nightmares of a world in flames, the kind you
remember in all their scary inconsistency because you woke up (screaming) in the middle.
How it will all end I couldn’t say…”

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Con Air V. Fight Club

Both achieve approximately the same level of intelligence.

9/9/12: ERROR…ERROR…ERROR…’Con Air’ is smarter.

But ‘Con Air’ blows more sh1t up

9/9/12: YEAH!

…and its Hero (Cameron Poe) is much more likable than ‘Fight Club”s “Hero”…umm…who would that be, exactly?

9/9/12: “The looney was of course the WRITER, Sir Walter Scott.” *Sir Walter Scott* “I didn’t write that…sounds more like Dickens.” * Charles Dickens* “You b@stard!” – MPFC

Winner:  Con Air (Mediocre beating Mediocre posing as Social Commentary)

2/18/18: Wow, this was really really totally way off and utterly wrong. Never cite ‘Con Air’ as an example of better-than anything.

Depeche Mode – A Non-Puppy Perspective

Music for the Masses (Sire, 1987)

“When Vince Clarke departed Yazward in 1982, Fashion-in-a-Hurry’s commercial doom was presumed sealed, whereupon Martin Gore went ahead and proved how easy it is to write ditties once you’re in a position to exploit them. It’s not as if anybody can, but at this point in pop’s progress potential supply far exceeds potential demand. Yet only rarely is the production process altogether mechanical. Gore can’t create without venting his shallow morbidity, which happens to mesh with a historically inevitable strain of adolescent angst, and he takes himself seriously enough to have burdened albums with concept and such. This time, however, the title announces his determination to give it up to his even shallower singer, David Gahan, who likes Gore’s message because it’s a good way to impress girls. Dark themes combine with light tunes until the very end of side two. Anybody with an interest in adolescent angst (adolescents included) can sob or giggle along as the case may be. B+”

– Robert Christgau

Declaration of Neutrality

I give up.

For so long, I’ve tried to educate, enlighten, listen, barter, broker, compromise, defy, save…be a “Crusader”.

I’ve finally realized…the people I try to help…most of them…don’t want to be helped, don’t deserve to be helped.

So fck ’em.

“(He) didn’t believe in sh1t…none of ’em did.” -D Vinyard

Just stay away from my friends.

Puppy >.< Grrr…

If there’s ONE thing I hate…

I mean, I really don’t care what people think of me.  Except for the people I care about…and they like me just fine.  So if someone else likes me, hates me, doesn’t give a d@mn about me…whatever, fine.  I honestly don’t care.

10/14/12: 22 months later, I find this is still completely accurate.

BUT…if someone PRETENDS to care about me…if someone LIES to me, DECEIVES me…and I find out…and I always do…then that person has betrayed my trust, that person is a rat, that person can’t be trusted…NOTHING that person says means ANYTHING to me, anymore, ever.

10/14/12: A bit arch and pretentious here (see ‘Pride’), not to mention unfair to rats (see ‘Pearl Jam, “Rats”‘)…and in the spirit of J. Jarmusch I acknowledge ripping ‘8MM’…tv/movie quotes abound (KITH, “f’n good ham sketch”).  But my attitude is not unjustified.

And that person is on their FCKEN own.

10/14/12:  It’s on my ‘A List – Movies/Long Subject’.  This is inaccurate…the meaning is, I no longer concern myself with the well-being of one who has willingly chosen to act against my well-being.  It just doesn’t make sense…I’m not a masochist.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

PRIVATE MEMO

To – Rex Ryan
From – Every Other NFL Coach

Thanks so much! May we show our appreciation by extending your
contract for the rest of your life, and enrolling you in WW?

P.S. – Bill Belichick thinks you should bury a Big Mac this time.

P.P.S. – How do you hold an opposing quarterback to 55 yards and LOSE? Genius.

P.P.P.S. – You can use “Fat Bastard”, Mike Myers won’t sue.

12/4/12: I can’t believe it’s necessary to say this, BUT, for the incredibly stupid…I am NOT making fun of overweight people.  I’m making fun of R.R. because he’s an ignorant, loud-mouthed, trash-talking wannabe/joke.  He just happens to also be overweight.  If he weighed 100 pounds I would have made a “thin” joke.  It’s called “humor”…see how that works?  Peace.

Pain Vs Happiness

I’m not sure which I prefer.

This is not a call to self-harm or to wallow in self-pity.

By Pain I mean the logical emotional reaction to violently disturbing things.  Emotional, as opposed to physical.

Physical pain is a warning sign.

Mental pain is an imprint, a scar, a lesson.

I don’t remember most of the times I was elated, exhilarated.

I remember when I was tormented.

I can’t say I treasure those memories in a traditional sense.

But they usually remind me of the loss of something I loved, in myself or outside myself.

And thereby they act as living testaments to things that brought me happiness.

And if you can’t remember why you were happy, and why it hurts so much that you’re not anymore…

Were you ever truly happy?

-Puppy

Faith – A Collection of Quotes

“The only faith that wears well and holds its color in all weathers is that which is woven of conviction and set with the sharp mordant of experience.” – James Russell Lowell

“Faith is reason grown courageous.” – Sherwood Eddy

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

“Faith is courage; it is creative while despair is always destructive.”
– David S. Muzzey

“Faith and doubt both are needed – not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve.” – Lillian Smith

“The greatest act of faith is when man admits he is not god.” – Oliver Wendel Holmes

“Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe.” – Saint Augustine

“Think not those faithful who praise all thy words and actions; but those who kindly reprove thy faults.” – Socrates

“The faith that stands on authority is not faith.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“In order to be a realist you must believe in miracles.” – Henry Christopher Bailey

“Science has sometimes been said to be opposed to faith, and inconsistent with it. But all science, in fact, rests on a basis of faith, for it assumes the permanence and uniformity of natural laws – a thing which can never be demonstrated.” – Tyron Edwards

“Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there is one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded faith.” – Thomas Jefferson

“We are twice armed if we fight with faith.” – Plato

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” – Gandhi

“Faith is love taking the form of aspiration.” – William Ellery Channing

“We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession.” – George Bernard Shaw

“I can believe anything provided it is incredible.” – Oscar Wilde

“The smallest seed of faith is better than the largest fruit of happiness.” – Henry David Thoreau

“What is faith? Is it to believe that which is evident? No. It is perfectly evident to my mind that there exists a necessary, eternal,
supreme, and intelligent being. This is no matter of faith, but of reason.” – Voltaire

“Doubt is conquered by faith, just as it is faith which has brought doubt into the world” – Kierkegaard

Milton

“Abashed the Devil stood, And felt how awful goodness is, and saw Virtue in her own shape how lovely; saw And pined his loss.”

“Tis chastity, my brother, chastity; She that has that is clad in complete steel, And, like a quiver’d nymph with arrows keen, May trace huge forests, and unharbour’d heaths, Infamous hills, and sandy perilous wilds; Where, through the sacred rays of chastity, No savage fierce, bandit, or mountaineer, Will dare to soil her virgin purity.”

“He that has light within his own clear breast May sit i’ the centre, and enjoy bright day: But he that hides a dark soul and foul thoughts Benighted walks under the mid-day sun; Himself his own dungeon.”

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”

“That in such righteousness To them by faith imputed they may find
Justification towards God, and peace Of conscience.”

“Perplexed and troubled at his bad success The Tempter stood, nor had what to reply, Discovered in his fraud, thrown from his hope.”

“These false pretexts and varnished colours failing, Rare in thy guilt how foul must thou appear.”

“When thou attended gloriously from heaven, Shalt in the sky appear, and from thee send Thy summoning archangels to proclaim Thy dread tribunal.”

“Hast thou betrayed my credulous innocence With vizor’d falsehood and base forgery?”

“Long is the way And hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”

Sporting Events: New York Vs. Boston, A Realistic Analysis

Championships in what most Americans consider the four “major” sports…Football (NFL), Baseball (MLB), Basketball (NBA), and Hockey (NHL).

Football:
New York Giants/Jets: 4
New England Patriots: 3

Since New York has two teams and Boston only one, this would indicate a virtual tie.

Baseball:
New York Yankees/New York Giants/New York Mets/Brooklyn Dodgers: 35
Boston Americans/Boston Braves/Boston Red Sox: 8

Utter domination by New York.

Basketball:
Rochester Royals/New York Knicks: 3
Boston Celtics: 17

Utter domination by Boston.

Hockey:
New York Rangers/New York Islanders: 8
Boston Bruins: 5

Since New York has two teams and Boston only one, this would indicate a virtual tie.

So basically, what we have is a draw.  So all stupid, ignorant, obnoxious (as opposed to real) New York sports fans should really get their story straight…is it who’s better NOW, or in the past?  When the Yankees win, it’s who’s better now.  When they lose, it’s who WAS better.  When the Knicks lose, it’s…ummm…wait til next year.  When the Jets lose, it’s…ummm…well…wait til next year.

In fact, statistically, Boston has won more championships per team on the average than New York.

New York Total: 10 Teams, 50 Championships.  That’s 5 per team.

Boston Total: 6 Teams, 33 Championships.  That’s 5.5 per team.

Oh wait!  Anticipating the “New England isn’t just Boston!” comments…

That means Boston has 5 teams, 30 Championships.  That’s 6 per team.

10/16/16: See updated version. (housekeeping)

7/8/24: Updated through today as follows:

American Football (Super Bowls Won):
New York Giants/New York Jets: 5
New England Patriots: 6

A slight edge for New England, especially considering the disadvantage of having only one team.

Baseball (1903-present, World Series’ Won):
New York Yankees/New York Giants/New York Mets/Brooklyn Dodgers: 35
Boston Americans/Boston Braves/Boston Red Sox: 10

Still, domination by New York, but gap closed very slightly.

Basketball (NBA Titles Won):
Rochester Royals/Syracuse Nationals/New York Knicks: 4
Boston Celtics: 18

Utter domination by Boston, hopefully more to come.

Hockey (Stanley Cup Championships):
New York Rangers/New York Islanders/Buffalo Sabres: 8
Boston Bruins: 6

The Rangers were an Original Six team, like Boston, so don’t even try going there. They had plenty of chances.

7/8/24: Update Continued…

In fact, statistically, Boston has won more championships per team on the average than New York.

New York Total: 12 Teams, 52 Championships.  That’s 4.33 per team.

Boston Total: 6 Teams, 40 Championships.  That’s 6.66 per team.

Oh wait!  Anticipating the “New England isn’t just Boston!” comments…

That means Boston has 5 teams, 34 Championships.  That’s 6.8 per team.

I love that dirty water.

– Puppy >.< Yip!

This Would Be Funny If It Wasn’t So Dangerous

Headline: Gay Question Trips Colorado’s Ken Buck on ‘Meet the Press’

“Colorado GOP Senate candidate Ken Buck called homosexuality a choice and defended his statement that a jury would find a woman’s acquaintance rape claim akin to “buyer’s remorse” in a debate with Democratic incumbent Sen. Michael Bennet on Sunday’s “Meet the Press.”

“…Buyer’s remorse is the feeling of regret after a purchase. It is frequently associated with the purchase of higher value items such as a car or house. It may stem from a sense of not wishing to be wrong, of guilt over extravagance or from feeling that one has been persuaded by a salesman…” – Sandra Fish

2/17/13: When I say “Funny” I mean funny in the “So laughably, amazingly, and pitifully ignorant, stupid, and offensive that you can either laugh or scream” sort of way. -Puppy >.< Yip!

Adolf Hitler – More Evil, or Stupid?

Granted, Adolf Hitler was tremendously Evil…but wasn’t he just as stupid?

Witness the following (via Wikipedia):

“…In May 1940, the Phony War ended. Against the will of his advisors, Hitler ordered an attack on France through the “Low Countries”…

…The “Battle of France” ended with an overwhelming German victory. However, with the British refusing Hitler’s offer of peace, the war continued…

…Germany and Britain continued to fight at sea and in the air. However, on 24 August, two off-course German bombers accidentally bombed London – against Hitler’s orders, changing the course of the war…

…In response to the attack, the British bombed Berlin, which sent Hitler into a rage. The German leader ordered attacks on British cities, and the UK was bombed heavily during The Blitz. This change in targeting priority interfered with the Luftwaffe’s objective of achieving the air superiority over Britain necessary for an invasion and allowed British air defenses to rebuild their strength and continue the fight.”

“…after Germany declared war on the US, the German navy began unrestricted submarine warfare, using U-Boats to attack ships without warning.

German U-Boats were more successful than surface raiders like Bismarck. However, Germany failed to make submarine production a top priority early on and by the time it did, the British and their allies were developing the technology and strategies to neutralize it. Furthermore, in spite of the submarines’ early success in 1941 and 1942, material shortages in Britain failed to fall to their World War I levels.”

“…The British however were expected to be accorded a higher status than other “Germanic” Europeans (who were to simply be absorbed into the Reich), as partners in the Nazi’s New Order rather than subjects. Hitler professed an admiration for the British Empire and its people as proof of Aryan superiority in ‘Mein Kampf’…”

“…The Nazi regime advocated a patriarchal society in which German women would recognize the “world is her husband, her family, her children, and her home…”

“…The importance of the cinema as a tool of the state, both for its propaganda value and its ability to keep the populace entertained, can be seen in the filming history of Veit Harlan’s ‘Kolberg'(1945), the most expensive film of the era, for the shooting of which tens of thousands of soldiers were diverted from their military positions to appear as extras…”

Fascists – Saying Whatever Is Convenient At The Time

“Race! It is a feeling, not a reality: ninety-five percent, at least, is a feeling. Nothing will ever make me believe that biologically pure races can be shown to exist today. … National pride has no need of the delirium of race.” – Benito Mussolini

“The leader of the Hitler Youth stated, “the destruction of Christianity was explicitly recognized as a purpose of the National Socialist movement” from the start, but “considerations of expedience made it impossible” publicly to express this extreme position.  In Mexico, the Red Shirts were vehemently atheist, renounced religion, killed priests, and on one occasion gunned down Catholics as they left Mass.”

“The Catholic Church was suppressed by Nazis in Poland.  In addition to the deaths of some 3 million Polish Jews, 2 million Polish Catholics were killed.  Between 1939 and 1945, an estimated 3,000 polish clergy (18%) were murdered; of these, 1,992 died in concentration camps.  In the annexed territory of Reichsgau Wartheland, churches were systematically closed, and most priests were either killed, imprisoned, or deported…”

“The Germans also closed seminaries and convents, persecuting monks and nuns throughout Poland.  Eighty percent of the Catholic clergy and five of the bishops of Warthegau were sent to concentration camps in 1939; in Chelmno, 48%.  Of those murdered by the Nazi regime, 108 are regarded as blessed martyrs.  Among them, Maximilian Kolbe was canonized as a saint. Not only in Poland were Christians persecuted by the Nazis.  In the Dachau concentration camp alone, 2,600 Catholic priests from 24 different countries were killed”

“In private, Mussolini expressed dislike of Hitler and the Nazis, seeing them as mere imitators of Italian Fascism. When Mussolini met with the Italian Consul in Munich prior to the Nazis’ failed Beer Hall Putsch in 1923, he stated that the Nazis were “buffoons”.  However, by 1928, the Italian Fascist government recognized the utility of the Nazis and began to financially subsidize the Nazi party.”

“Aside from criticism of fascist ideology, there has been debate as to its nature and even whether it is a coherent ideology. One view is that fascism is not a real ideology at all; this view claims that fascism is a form of irrational and opportunistic politics only committed to nihilistic violence that has no logical or rational definition, and that its official ideological components are only tools of propaganda and are often contradictory.”

– From Wikipedia

The Middle East Downstairs – 10/9/2010

I went to The Middle East nightclub on Saturday and saw two bands…here are Christgau type reviews of both…anyone involved with the first one, please feel free to comment or post info on your band and/or where to buy your cd.

Band One: Quite surprising, really.  So many things to like.  The only problem, really, seems to be songwriting.  But then, Nirvana’s first CD wasn’t exactly Nirvana…they tend to wander a bit, like the Dead on a bad night.  There aren’t enough hooks…whether this is intentional or not I’m unsure, but it would be wise to note that noone would have cared what Cobain had to say if he hadn’t surrounded  his lyrics with hardcore riffs. 
That being said…it was a truly inspired performance.  The instrumentation was superb, especially the lead guitarist, who brings to mind good Catherine Wheel, and the drummer, who brings to mind David Grohl.  Melodic, powerful, grand, epic, beautiful, mournful, unmistakably positive and without a doubt “real”…I think they’re on to something here.  They love it, even if I don’t…and eventually, I just might.

Grade: B+

Band Two: No surprise.  MUCH, MUCH hookier.  Much more predictable.  Much more repetitive.  Much less point.

Grade: D+

Placebo

Once More With Feeling (2004)

Their songs have the same sameness as Depeche Mode and New Order.  Fortunately, unlike New Order they aren’t boring as hell, and unlike Depeche Mode they mean it and aren’t pretentious as hell. And the lead singer is dead sexy.
(“Pure Morning”, “Where Is My Mind?”)

Grade: B+

2012: “I am not gay, although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes.” -Kurt Cobain

Grade: B

Calling All Intelligent New Yorkers

There’s a major misconception out there that New Yorkers and Bostonians hate each other.

This is just not true.

I don’t hate New Yorkers…I hate ignorant, belligerent, arrogant morons.

I don’t care where they’re from, where they live, what their gender is, etc…

So, please…and I mean this in all sincerity…if you are an intelligent New Yorker who, like myself, realizes there are plenty of perfectly legitimate reasons to dislike people or not on an individual basis, PLEASE post a comment supporting me (Puppy) in my efforts to bridge the gap between East and…East.

Thank You.

-Puppy

P.S. – AJ Burnett isn’t nearly as bad as people say…I mean, he’s having a horrible year, sure…but he’s only so disappointing because he HAS been very good in the past.  I mean…when we signed Lackey, and people said he was an “ace”, I EXPECTED him to suck…so I wasn’t disappointed.  Too bad Beckett followed in his lead, but hey…I tip my cap to the better team (this year), and hope my Sox force a one-game playoff so that Sabathia has to start against Price

Peace.

Theatre Of Tragedy

Theatre Of Tragedy (1995)

Thy titles are fancy, thy songs are cr@ppy.

Grade: D

Velvet Darkness They Fear (1996)

‘Ode To A Pretentious Wanker’ OR…
Thyest titles are fancyerest, thyest songs are cr@ppierest.

Grade: D-

Aegis (1998)

Conquering their fear of showing beauty.  Occasionally.
(“Venus”)

Grade: B-

11/19/12: “Venus” IS beautiful, and haunting.  Nothing else matches that, but if you could switch tracks 1 and 8, you’d have a seamlessly pretty (and powerful, if not quite haunting) side two.  I mean, last four tracks.  Ahhh…those were the days…

Grade: B

Assembly (2002)

Just sad.  Except “Automatic Lover”, which is just danceable.

Grade: D-

Lynyrd Skynyrd

Gold & Platinum (1979)

I originally dismissed (or more accurately, ignored) this band because I was SO SO SO sick of hearing “Free Bird”.  But that’s as unfair as dismissing Led Zep because you think “Stairway” is overplayed.  Of course it is, but there’s plenty of other music worth playing.  Not the band’s fault that radio stations don’t understand this the way their fans do.  So I listened to these songs, and came to the conclusion that in their brief career these Proud-to-be-Southerners pulled off quite a neat trick:  They showed the difference between being a Redneck and a Proud Southerner.  Intelligent, angry, faithful, and Pro-Humanity.  And they weren’t afraid to take on Neil Young’s swipe at Southerners, either.  Amen.
(“Gimme Back My Bullets”, “Simple Man”, “Saturday Night Special”)

Grade: A

Warren Zevon

A Quiet Normal Life: The Best Of Warren Zevon (1986)

I’m getting near the end of my reviews and yes, I’m slacking off.  I’ve earned it, d@mnit.  
A decent record.

Grade: B-

2011:  Warren Zevon was always much more of a genuine weirdo than he was a real musical talent.  It’s a bit surprising that he achieved even the modest level of cult popularity that he did, because except for the one-shot “Werewolves Of London”, which is about as relevant and indicative of his “talent” as “Detachable Penis” was for King Missile, he’s pretty boring.  I mean, when you write a pleasant little ditty about the trials and tribulations of a deranged killer (“Excitable Boy”) and it’s still not particularly interesting, even in a gruesome macabre sort of way, that’s not a good sign.  I’ll take “Detachable Penis”, thank you. 

Grade: C

2012: It just gets more meaningless with age. 

Grade: C-

Neil Young

Decade (1977)

SO much overrated, mediocre music.  It’s enough to make one nauseous.  Occasionally a good one marches by, but it’s just not worth it.
(“Like A Hurricane”)

Grade: C

2010: I was an idiot.

Grade: B+

Harvest Moon (1992)

Forlorn and gently beautiful, the peak of this album is high indeed.  I fell in love with “War Of Man” from the first time I heard it, and it hasn’t lost an iota of power in fifteen years.  The first song, “Unknown Legend”, is a great introduction to the album.  Not a great song, but it shows where Young plans on going this time around.  Which is to play softly and sing softly for the most part, with a little harmonica thrown in.  I love the general atmosphere here.  I would be totally enraptured and handing out an A+ if all the writing and performing had the same magic as “War Of Man”.  Dare to Dream…
(“War Of Man”)

Grade: C

Greatest Hits (2004)

Neil Young has always had a remarkable, unquenchable spirit and vitality, a purpose to his music and to his life that I perhaps can’t fully understand because I’m not nearly as deep.  When this spirit comes through fully in his vocals/lyrics, especially when it’s matched by music of a similar quality and standard, it can be haunting, scary, or both.  Capable of intense fury and complete and utter wistful longing, he makes music as he always has – for himself.  If you like it, fine.  If you don’t, fine.  I like a lot of it.
(“Cinnamon Girl”, “Ohio”, “Rockin’ In The Free World”)

Grade: A-

Yes

The Yes Album (1971)

No contender to rival their best album, it still knocks out their worst (assuming you can’t get much worse than ‘Close To The Edge’. Then again, I’ve yet to have the honor of hearing ‘Tales From Topographic Oceans’. Yuck). “Yours Is No Disgrace” is constructed around Steve Howe’s killer riffs, and “Starship Trooper” features some great mounting guitar-plus-noise, culminating in a guitar war with himself for Mr. Howe. His contributions are marvelous, and I’d dare say he’s one of my favorite guitarists, when he’s on.
Which he certainly is here.
(“Yours Is No Disgrace”, “Starship Trooper”)

Grade: B

2011: Steve Howe is the attraction here. Without him they’re mediocre, and with him not caring/trying they’re mediocre. He’s trying on this album. I don’t think there’s anything special about “I’ve Seen All Good People” lyrically, because Jon Anderson just writes whatever he thinks is profound at the moment and while most of the time it’s just nonsense, statistically you have to be coherent once in a while. I like the SONG because of the music, the way the different parts mesh together and form a synthesis (like, I don’t know, classical music and hard rock) that is greater than…you know. But the real reason to listen to this is that Howe’s riffs will rock your socks off. He is absolutely out of his mind on “Starship Trooper” and “Yours Is No Disgrace”, and the other band members contribute well enough to back him up and make it stick.
(“Yours Is No Disgrace”, “Starship Trooper(Wurm)”)

Grade: B+

8/21/23: It’s just far too weak (and non Howe-ish) after “I’ve Seen All Good People”.

Grade: B

Fragile (1972)

A great art-rock album, this one never lets up. The song fragments are interesting and appropriate, providing imagery to enliven the longer proceedings here very well.
The two long songs that open and close the album are d@mn good. There are no bad songs…this is one of the few that you can put on and never have to worry about when to fast forward past that embarrassing track. Admittedly, it’s much better when you’re drunk. But that’s only to say that it is bordering on heaven (ahem, “We Have Heaven”) when wasted. Sober, it falls back to ordinary run-of-the-mill great.
(“Roundabout”, “We Have Heaven”, “Heart Of The Sunrise”)

Grade: A

Close To The Edge (1972)

Too close to the edge. They must have fallen in. The only one I’ll really miss is Steve Howe.

Grade: D

Tales From Topographic Oceans (1974)

Finally having heard this album, I run to the safety, comfort, and incredible quality of ‘Close To The Edge’. Compared to this, ‘Close’ is a masterpiece.
There are four “songs” here, and they’re all incredibly boring and completely free from musical quality or anything even approaching a good vocal or instrumental hook. Quite possibly the worst album I’ve ever heard.

Grade: F

The Who

Who’s Next (1971)

I wish I liked this album just a little bit more than I do.  Why?  Because I “admire” the songs more than I actually LIKE them.  There are lots of good points on the album, but also a lot of something I don’t like.  No, not filler…there isn’t a truly weak track on the whole thing.  I’m talking about maudlin sentimentality.  If Pete Townshend could (or would) just rock a little more, I think the whole album would improve.  It’s got a fey sort of quality that turns me off even as it turns me on.  Very strange, I know.  And there are definite rocking and/or intriguing moments aplenty.  At the heart of the album is “Behind Blue Eyes”, which I like completely and without reservation, partly because like many others, I can relate to it on some level.  And because the lyrics, for lack of a better term, kick a$$.
(“Behind Blue Eyes”, “Won’t Get Fooled Again”)

Grade: B+

2010: I’ve grown to like it more.

Grade: A-

Quadrophenia (1973)

This band seems to enjoy sampling itself on some albums.  Basically, using the same riff and musical structure over and over again in different songs.  This could signal two things, depending on how much you like and “trust” them.  Either Pete Townshend has a limited musical resource collection and uses this “building riff” system to make songwriting easier, or he’s intentionally building up to several climaxes at the “high points” of the albums.  ‘Tommy’ is an obvious example of this.  The one thing that always seems to be different on this album is the lyrics.  Townshend obviously enjoys the rock-opera stylings that grace this album and others, and he seems self-absorbed enough to write the entire thing any which way he chooses, without regard for public regard and/or sales. Personally, I get sick of it pretty quickly.  When he doesn’t try so d@mn hard to make a story out of an album, this gets pretty good.  But those moments aren’t enough.  Townshend’s rock-opera stylings have much in common with musicals.  And as far as musicals go, I don’t go for them with some notable exceptions (‘Rocky Horror’).
(“Love, Reign O’er Me”)

Grade: C

My Generation- The Very Best Of The Who (1996)

Never been a big Who fan, so even their best isn’t all that great to me.  Lots of it, though, and it’s mildly enjoyable (almost) throughout.
(“I Can See For Miles”)

Grade: B

2010: …VERY enjoyable (almost) throughout.

Grade: A-

White Zombie

La Sexorcisto (1992)

Deja Vu.  Or Vuja De, since this was reviewed after ‘Astro-Creep’, but came out before it.  One good song leading us trusting folk astray.
(“Thunder Kiss ’65”)

Grade: D+

Astro-Creep: 2000 (1995)

A friend of mine many years ago bought this album based on (in his view) the great single, “More Human Than Human”.  His direct appraisal of the rest of the album was that it, and I quote, “sucked”.  But that’s too strong of a negative analysis.  “An album far less cr@ppy than the previous one” might be appropriate.

Grade: C

The White Stripes

Elephant (2003)

I’m definitely racist in terms of my musical Jacks. I prefer White over Black any day. Which isn’t an insult to Jack Black…after all, he has acting skill (?) to fall back on. Oh…the album review. Sorry. Uneven but entertaining rock/pop with hooks.
(“Seven Nation Army”)

Grade: B-

Get Behind Me Satan (2005)

The sound of most of this album is so similar to ‘Elephant’ that it’s either comforting or depressing, depending on whether or not you prefer musicians who “grow” or those that use the same formula each time out.  That’s not a criticism, just an observation.  Myself, I like to hear a good formula repeated over and over again as long as it produces similarly good results.  When the results start to wane, perhaps it’s time to branch out a little.  I suppose the guitar parts here are a bit different than ‘Elephant”s in that they perform at unexpected and unusual times, with mixed results.  I know, you’ve heard this before: songwriting.  ‘Elephant’ without the hits.  It’s not embarrassing…maybe some good cocktail music at your next party.  You know, music that doesn’t demand attention and just sort of fades into the background as you go about your business.

Grade: D+

Weezer

Weezer (1994)

This is rather silly.  I never was much of a fan of silly rock.  Silly pop, maybe.  But I don’t want lyrics about sweaters and such bringing down my enjoyment of power chords.  Inconsistent, too.  A good band could get away with inane lyrics, but I’m afraid this band isn’t quite good enough.
(“Say It Ain’t So”)

Grade: C

2012: Comparatively brilliant.  Come on, I just listened to ‘Degradation Trip’.

Grade: B-

Stevie Ray Vaughan

Greatest Hits (1995)

I have nothing against guitar Gods.  Sure, I think Hendrix is overrated. He had a revolutionary style, but his songwriting skills were far below his guitar playing.  So I listened to this album with an open mind before deciding that despite a beautiful (and superior to the original) cover of Hendrix’s “Little Wing”, this wasn’t really for my tastes.  Will you like it?  If you don’t demand songform with your (d@mn) good guitar noise, probably.
(“Little Wing”)

Grade: C+

Various

Braveheart Soundtrack (1995)

I’m a bit biased, as this is (one of) my favorite movie(s) of all time. That probably makes me overly generous in reviewing the soundtrack.
I will say that it does drag and/or become overly repetitive at a few points, and if you hate classical music you’ll probably hate this. I myself am neutral on classical music. This soundtrack, however, captures quite well the spirit of each scene it was written for. Now go watch the movie, if you haven’t yet.
(“Revenge”, “Making Plans/Gathering The Clans”)

Grade: A-

MTV Buzz Bin, Volume 1 (1996)

I absolutely adore compilations like this. That is, compilations of (mostly) good songs that make it unnecessary to shell out good money for the entire album.
Of course, today it’s a little different, given that you can get any single song you want online. Some of these songs are on worthwhile albums, but
there’s enough that aren’t to make it quite a nice little purchase.
(“Low”, “Creep”, “Everything Zen”)

Grade: A

The Rocky Horror Picture Show – Original Soundtrack (1975)

Do you like camp? Really? I’m talking major-league camp. I’m talking original ‘STAR TREK’ CAMP! If your answer is still yes, you’ll enjoy at least some of this.
In my opinion this demented little album peaks a little too soon, then fades. Generally people either love it or hate it. I don’t hate it. I SHOULD, I know…it’s utterly ridiculous. But sometimes, when you’re in a bad mood, “Time Warp” will come on the radio and get your toes a tappin’
(“Time Warp”)

Grade: C

2010: Hey, it makes you smile.

Grade: C+

Singles Soundtrack (1992)

The “soundtrack to my generation”, I’ve heard this called. And while I like that idea in theory (it would make a nice conversation piece), the material is far too spotty to even approach such an accolade.
(“Would?”, “Nearly Lost You”)

Grade: C+

U2

Boy (1980)

Talk about your rock n’ roll turnarounds.  Starting off as a fresh-faced, young, peacefully Christian band, they eventually moved into some pretty strange areas, musically and image-wise.  Bono wearing all black and sunglasses??  What the fck is that all about?  Was it artistic freedom on display as they changed their image and sound so much by the time of ‘Achtung Baby’?  Maybe.  But I liked them a lot better when The Edge’s guitar rang out strong and pure, saving even the most inane Bono-produced lyrics from the garbage heap.  Like here, for instance.

Grade: C+

October (1981)

Let’s get to the two main points here.  One, I like this widely dismissed album.  Two, Bono has never written worse lyrics than he does here, and he probably never will.  That being said, the question is why like an album whose lyrics range from competent-at-best to downright embarrassing and grimace-inducing?  Because even on the bad ones, The Edge chimes in with wonderful, crooked guitar noise.  He’s never been as consistent in his playing before or after this album, and it is an absolute pleasure to hear his commentary.  Too bad Bono couldn’t at least provide decent lyrics.  Then this might be a classic (seriously!).  Example- “Scarlet”, which has one word in it (repeated several times, and not for effect, but because Bono couldn’t think of anything else), but which is made by The Edge’s repeated, slightly altered call-and-response guitar.
(“I Threw A Brick Through A Window”)

Grade: B

The Joshua Tree (1987)

Well, they certainly know their good songs from their not-so-good ones.  The four best start the album off, and make it worth owning even if the rest is old tat (and most of it is).  Sadly beautiful, elegantly framed by The Edge’s guitar, their best album is a treat to listen to on occasion.
(“With Or Without You”, “Bullet The Blue Sky”)

Grade: B+

The Best Of: 1980-1990 (1998)

“Best of” is, of course, a matter of opinion.  I really don’t know why some bands call their compilations “best of” and others “greatest hits”.  In either case, it’s generally untrue, whether based on opinion (everyone has a different idea about what the absolute best is) or based on absolute fact (if you call an album “greatest hits”, you should probably put all their…wanna guess?  RIGHT!  All their GREATEST HITS on it).  Invariably that doesn’t happen, as the band chooses to slap on an album cut they like and stiff you on the other HIT you thought you paid for.  This is not, in my opinion, the best U2 album that could have been constructed from 1980-1990 material.  I’d stick three or four different songs on it, including of course “I Threw A Brick Through A Window”.  But I’m just quibbling for the sake of padding out the review.  It’s a great album, no question.  I could have made an A+.  They apparently are content with a slightly lower grade.  Fine.  See if I care.  Sniff sniff.
(“With Or Without You”, “Desire”, “I Will Follow”)

Grade: A

Type O Negative

Bloody Kisses (1993)

If they have one, this is the definitive, good Type O album. Sure they went a little commercial, but you can’t call them sellouts when they include a little ditty called “Kill All The White People” on their album.
(“Christian Woman”, “Black No. 1”)

Inspirational Quote: “Lovin’ you was like lovin’ the dead.”

Grade: B+

2012: Proof that “goth” can be intelligent, snide, and funny without being mean. Rarely. It’s a huge bundle of riffs, harmony, fake-vampire growls and jokes.
It’s also the best “gothic”-ish album I’ve ever heard. And I’ve heard a lot of them. P. Steele was laughing the whole time.

Grade: A-

October Rust (1996)

A huge dropoff after ‘Bloody Kisses’, this pretty much destroys any pop credibility that this band had gained from their previous effort.  Not that they really care at all, necessarily.  ‘Bloody Kisses’ made them comfortably well off, and they can tour all the time and put out the occasional album with the occasional good song and keep chugging for many years to come.

Grade: C-

World Coming Down (1999)

I guess this is what non-fans (I’m on the fence) hear when they listen to Type-O…murky, overblown, overly dramatic, poor in the lyrics department and without a single noteworthy musical idea.  I’m not even going to acknowledge the Beatles cover.  This album should be avoided at all costs.

Grade: F

Life Is Killing Me (2003)

Full of filler and a couple of decent songs, this is Type O Negative at their true talent level: mediocre, if that, with one brief shining moment of very-goodness (‘Bloody Kisses’).

Grade: D+

Robin Trower

Bridge Of Sighs (1985)

Don’t get excited by comparisons to Jimi Hendrix, good or bad.  He’s obviously not Jimi Hendrix, but to say or believe he’s worthless because he sounds verrrrry similar to a guitar God is to say that all Jimmy Page, Joe Perry, etc. imitators and followers are cr@p.  Which wouldn’t be fair to a lot of good music.  Bottom line, almost every song has been written at least in part by someone else already, so if that bothers you so much you should throw out all your “imitator” albums.  The only problem I have with my own logic and my strong defense is that this album sucks beyond the title cut.  But that’s no reason to hate the man.

Grade: D