Category: Site Reviews

1) FK – The Mediocrity Watch

After a brief challenge of Armageddon, FK’s current 3rd is now closer to 4th than Arm’s 2nd. Triumph of substance over well-meaning dreck.

Don’t get me wrong…I love the well-meaning.

But sweet, gentle, polite, cheerful cr@p is still cr@p.

2) Wanna know why FK is ranked 3rd on TMC, and Harshlands 71st?

FK cares about being popular.

Harshlands cares about roleplaying. Demands it, actually…mediocrity could not survive there for long. Hence, a mass migration.

That’s just my opinion, of course.

3) Memo To Ireland

You rock. Can you please export FK to some much cr@ppier country?

4) Oh, and the final and best example of JH-level roleplay:

Almost all characters, when faced with an opposing viewpoint, will – instead of discussing, arguing, listening, speaking directly to the opposer – almost inevitably and robotically turn to another player and talk about the opposing player and their viewpoint as if they weren’t there.

I mean…EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Lawful, Neutral, Chaotic, Good, Evil…identical.

I’m not joking.

Like covering their eyes and ears and yelling “NANANANANANANA I CAN’T HEAR YOU”.

Try it, if you don’t believe me.

The clique leaders do, the clique followers laugh and/or agree.

It’s…sad. THIS MUD is challenging Armageddon! There is no justice of quality in the world.

From FK’s TMC entry:

“Forgotten Kingdoms is an RPI (Role-Play Intensive) game”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ummm…no. Try it and see.

“Roleplaying Is Enforced”

Ummm…I specifically recall being told, by an FK Imm (Immortal, person who runs the game) (in my words, but accurate IMPO) that it was acceptable for players to logon and simply type “kill (mob)” over and over for hours. Hours in FK equalling days. How this is “RP Enforced” and not “Powergaming Accepted” is beyond me.

Also, since Anachronisms are HORRIBLY rampant…and not just subtle ones; blatant, in-character references to specific modern-day items, terminology, etc…that are then explained, in-character, weakly and without any merit…I hardly think “RP Enforced” is an appropriate label, unless the “RP” being enforced is “Mediocre characters who stand around chatting like angsty, giggly teens and make rampant anachronisms”. If that is what they mean, then spot on.

“The game has over 250 unique areas and is still growing rapidly, thanks to a large team of builders who continuously update existing areas as well as adding new areas and
challenges.”

Quite true. The “game” is constantly growing, “areas” are constantly being updated and improved, etc…all completely accurate.

However, none of this changes the fact that roleplay is almost universally mediocre. And has been…for years. Good players come, and go…I assume, like myself, to better RP MUDs. No exaggeration…YEARS. The roleplay level, with a few RARE exceptions, has not improved AT ALL in YEARS.

“New characters can choose from a huge range of races and subraces, including shield dwarves, moon elves, mountain orcs and even planetouched characters such as genasi, aasimar or tieflings.”

Incorrect. Or, at least, very misleading. New “characters” may be able to choose these things…but NOT new “players”. New players have limited access to races – no genasi, no aasimar, no tiefling, no moon elf…

“Once you have selected your characters race, you must choose a base class of Warrior, Wizard, Rogue or Priest, each of which offers a different roleplay experience, and can be further customised by joining one of almost 50 guilds.”

To a limited extent, yes. Warrior makes you fight with big weapons. Wizard makes you fight with small weapons, and spells. Priest makes you fight with medium weapons, and spells. Rogue is not allowed to new players. That is basically the difference in “roleplay experience”, since virtually all characters currently playing are interchangeable personality (or lack thereof) wise.

“The last major decision to be made by any new character is to decide where they grew up – possibilities include several famous Forgotten Realms locations, including Waterdeep, Zhentil Keep, Menzoberranzan and Mithril Hall.”

Again, incorrect…or, very misleading. New “characters”, perhaps…but not new “players”. New players start in Waterdeep. Period. Since this was carefully worded to say “characters”, I must conclude it is propaganda.

(EDIT, 8/17/15: New PLAYERS may be able to start in a few other cities, depending on alignment. However, since the vast majority of characters are in Waterdeep, and the only other considerable player base AT ALL is in Zhentil Keep, all non-evil characters can start in either A) Area where noone else will be to RP with, so they travel to Waterdeep or B) Waterdeep. I’m not certain because I’ve NEVER tested it out…play is in Waterdeep and ZK, with VERY RARE exceptions. Period. And roleplaying alone is not fun.)

That is, it is written for players who don’t know about the MUD. These players will assume (rightfully so, IMPO) that this means they can pick any race, hometown…and that’s just false.

I mean…trying to attract new players is great. But deceptive advertising (IMPO only, of course) in order to bring in new players before they find out the ACTUAL choices…is just a numbers-grab. It’s an attempt to bring in everyone, regardless of quality. Hence, why FK’s mediocrity stands the test of time. One reason of many, but still.

“A unique ‘spell memorisation’ system based on system used in
Dungeons and Dragons. This means no mana!”

Semantics. Spells “regenerate” in your character through time and a random element. That this isn’t called “Mana” really doesn’t change how it works, IMPO.

“Many avenues for character development, including joining up with factions such as the Black Network or the Grey Hands, joining the inner circle or even becoming the high priest of one of 30 faiths…the possibilities are myriad!”

Suggested Disclaimer: ‘Black Network, Grey Hands, Inner Circles, and High Priest positions unavailable to non-clique members unless one is willing to RP with clique members and pretend they don’t suck.’

And, even without that…it doesn’t matter. No matter who you become, how powerful, in what way, in what organization…you will be roleplaying with a vast supply of mediocre role-players. If that is your limit…then go for it. If you have higher aspirations, they will NOT (IMPO, over years of study) be met here, with VERY few exceptions. And if you’re one of two good roleplayers logged in out of 25…why are you on the MUD, instead of in a chatroom, where the mediocrity can be dispensed with?

“Forgotten Kingdom’s greatest strength is its large population of superb role-players…”

No, no…”large population”, yes. “superb role-players”…two. Maybe three. Not counting myself, because I don’t consider myself “superb”…just…pretty good. However, even “pretty good” would be incorrect, IMPO, if substituted in the quote for “superb”.

Here is, IMPO, an honest replacement statement:

“Forgotten Kingdom’s greatest strength is everything else which hides the mediocrity of the vast majority of the large population of its role-players…”

Ok, so…during a fairly recent period on FK, in Market Square…errr CENTER, pardon me, this is what basically happened for a couple of hours:

A dozen or so characters came and left, intermittently, with at least three present pretty much at all times. Liora attempted to generate actual roleplay. Thaien, identically-drab son of Thanasis (Faith Leader, Former Faith Leader), Lylena (hand-folding Faith Leader), Gwain (omg…see ‘Irrepressibly Drab And Awful’), some other character whose one “individual” characteristic is “says everything from behind a cowl”, some other character whose one “individual” characteristic is “tries to sleep with every female character in the game” (I think he also plays another fav of mine, but not sure…Casimir, who actually has TWO “individual” characteristics: “Slowly moves a talon up and down” and “Speaks in a wind-affected voice”), and some other characters who are too lazy to even have that one characteristic all engaged in…chat. No character, no characters, no roleplay, no personality. Nothing. Just chat. IN CHARACTER. The equivalent of what you’d see on most RP MUDs (REAL roleplay-enforced ones) ooc chat channels.

A fairly accurate representation, IMPO:

“How go things?”
“Fine, yourself?”
“Very well. I just (insert name of hack n’ slash accomplished recently).”
“Great. So…have you seen (insert name of established generic character) lately?”
“No. Last I saw them they were with (insert name of romantically-linked other established generic character).”
“(insert generic witticism here)”
“(laughter and smiles)”
…Repeat…

I’m not joking.

Took me a while to get on here…traffic. But I digress.

…it’d love to turnnnn…youuuuuu…offffffff…

Ahem.

First, you create your character. Name, class, race, alignment, description, adjective, etc etc etc…

Which sounds very complex. UNFORTUNATELY…none of this makes any difference. All characters, with a few notable exceptions, are generic automatons of mediocrity.

You will NOT find someone to roleplay your concept with. They do not exist there…IMPO.

Once that is done, you may have to wait up to 24 hours to be approved. Because, of course, they must verify that your name is acceptable, you have a suitable description, and so on. Of course nine times out of ten (yes, I’ve done enough iterations) you will be approved within half an hour: REGARDLESS of anything except (maybe) your name. In that case, you will have to change it, and wait another…30 minutes, max. (nine times out of ten…there are exceptions, although whether these are out of lack of attention or a desire to give the impression that actual analysis is taking place is open for debate).

Having accomplished that, you will be spat out into a Tavern in
Waterdeep. Everything will look really pretty.

Then, you’ll get the same first job everyone gets every single time they play, with every single character. Evidently, there is a Lamplighter who has been scared for YEARS to light lamps, and whose fear only abates temporarily when aided.

Then, after some time in the Snookery, you will go to Market Square (now Center…it’s been expanded). There you will await other characters, and, if you are any good at roleplaying, you will tolerate their mediocrity with a metaphorical forced smile; it does not harm you, after all, to reply to such mediocrity if you have ANY skill at roleplay. You can do so at ten percent of your RP capacity, and you’ll fit right in.

Assuming you stay, you will continue to return to Market Center, over and over and over again. You will listen to inane conversations and you will tell yourself “There MUST be other good role-players on here…if I can just pretend this isn’t cliquey JH-level roleplay cr@p, so as not to insult all the powerful players in the game…I’ll meet a good roleplayer.

Eventually.”

The vast majority of powerful characters are decadent, mediocre, undefined, generic, boring, without distinction, and absolutely and completely ignorable…EXCEPT, they are the Faith Managers. Therefore you MUST pretend that they can roleplay (as a representative of a God) at least well enough for you: a neophyte with practice armor.

I think, for me…the most egregious example of utter mediocrity as a baseline is the fact that ALL the powerful characters, no matter their alignment, ethos, powerful convictions, etc…talk to each other. Politely. The same as to every other character. In the Market Square. Good and Evil, mortal enemies at times, by the very definition of their deities…chatting.

Just…chatting. Not, speaking because it is necessary, but roleplaying being appropriately disgusted (or at least dismayed). Just…chatting. Meaningless, trivial, worthless. Without any roleplay value. Every character…JUST like every other.

Again…try it.

Make a character, try it…and tell me I’m wrong. Reply, send me a log, ANYTHING…

Unfortunately, that won’t happen. Because you can’t post something that doesn’t exist. And, unless you’re a Pof Mediocre-Character-X (or Y, or Z, or…) or a friend (IC and OOC crossover is rampant), you can’t deny anything I’ve said, without, IMPO, lying.

There’s no realism here. It is not “roleplay-enforced”. Anachronisms are completely allowed, if not encouraged. One player speaks with thee’s, thy’s, and thou’s…and the next says “hey, wanna go to rat hill?”.

SERIOUSLY! I’m not making this sh1t up!

So, as long as you can avoid being Inkyd, those who seek ACTUAL roleplay should try Armageddon. Or Harshlands. Or The Inquisition: Legacy. Or The Burning Post 2. Or dozens of other MUDs and MUSHs, far lower on TMC’s list, with REAL roleplaying.

This is all just IMPO, of course.

The change I’m attempting to provoke is highly unlikely. But, there’s ALWAYS a chance. Even for good roleplay on FK.

Based on long, often painful, experience, there are four players on FK that are actually GOOD at roleplaying.
1) Pof Harroghty/any alts
2) Pof Liora/any alts
3) Pof Liric/any alts
4) Some new female Aasimar whose name I don’t know.

EDIT, 8/13/15: This does NOT include “former” characters. Characters that no longer play at all are not “on” FK…they are memories. I thought I would clarify, for the sake of accuracy, that there (of course) HAVE been other good roleplayers…but, generally, it tends to be 3 or 4 at a time. A time being…everyone who plays over a period of several months.

Despite a brilliant background, extensive help files, a remarkably workable quest system, helpful Imms, mostly helpful PLAYERS…

The rest is, from dozens of exposures with dozens of characters, the equivalent of prepping for a real MUD.

The established players, with nothing further to accomplish, simply congregate in a place called “Market Center” (formerly Market Square…the areas of FK are constantly improving, unlike the RP) for hours at a time. Roleplay consists of smiling, giggling, frowning, cheek-pecking, in-breeding, and pointless, useless IC conversation.

I say pointless because all conversations are the same, with a few simple variations.

For example, Pof Lylena is almost exactly like every other character there…BUT, she folds her hands behind her back.

Honestly. That’s all.

THIS is the MUD challenging Armageddon for 2nd place on TMC.

It is an alternate Junior High School hallway, with all of the cliques but not QUITE as much intelligence.

This is a product of HOURS and HOURS of research with DOZENS of characters…many of whom were LOVED by other players. But, unfortunately, with the exceptions noted above (and perhaps a few more…but none that you’ll encounter in Waterdeep) there is a helpless feeling of time-wasting that inevitably sets in.

No matter how detailed the world becomes, no matter how complex and interesting the quests become, no matter how involved the character creation process gets…the roleplay stays the same. The same conversations, by the same people (or clones of them), in the same area, about the same subjects, with the same variations in actual character RP: Lylena’s hand-folding being – sadly – one of the best.

That’s all. Try it. Go on FK, and try to stay in Market Center for an hour, with at least six others, and see a single instance of real, genuine, lengthy, emoted/said/thought/FELT roleplay.

You’ll see plenty of chat that is the same, day after day, over and over, as unchanging as Ly’s hand posture…but if you want a JH clique chat, why don’t you just go in a chatroom with fellow adolescents? Or, as the case probably is, those stuck in adolescence and/or lacking the roleplay ability to do anything except 1) that, and 2) hack n’ slash.

Hack n’ slash is commonly referred to as “Adventuring” there.

Is part of this “sour grapes”, as might be the response?

Sure. It’s frustrating to make a character, give them a personality, find a background and setting and functionality that is PERFECT for them…and then have it ruined, over and over and over, by the inept mediocrity of the vast majority of the other players.

This isn’t just my opinion, either…at least two players (one current good role-player, one good role-player who left because of this reason) mentioned and complained, specifically, about the clique system and their annoyance with it. I imagine, since they avoided the usual Square nonsense themselves in order to roleplay with me, that they also shared my view of the overall RP.

Absolute…truth.

Why do I keep going back? Hope. That small, fragile flower in a field of darkness…and, SOMETIMES, I find another real roleplayer amongst the dreck and endless generations of the same nameless names.

I mean…it’s so CLOSE to being the best MUD ever. If ONLY it had roleplayers.

I mean, it was REALLY fun for a while…when Inky thought I was female playing a female character.  Since then it’s just been a world of fcken annoyance.

From an Administrator:

“Given that you’ve decided to take this to your blog…”

Right…MY blog.  My blog, where I post MY opinions/jokes/sarcastic remarks/etc…not yours. 

But hey, thanks for the hit!  Every little one counts towards that million.

“and seem unwilling to discuss this with staff,…”

Unwilling to discuss with staff???  Are you high?  I traded like 6 messages back and forth with an Imm EXPLAINING the ENTIRE thing.  It got so right-adjusted that I could barely read it, like one word for each line.

“your account on the game as well as on the GDB has been temporarily banned. “

So…a ten year vet cheats (IMPO…I’m 6.9 on that), I (a newbie) complain about it, as I was ENCOURAGED to do by an Imm response…and I get banned?

“Remove your posts on your blog and we can talk then. 
Nyr
Administrator
ArmageddonMUD Staff”

This is my favorite, no question. 

A MUD Admin (in my subjective opinion) trying to bribe me to censor my free speech in exchange for game access.  Well…POSSIBLE game access.  That’s just…sad. 

Oh, and go fck yourself.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

First, direct quotes from some section of Arm/GDB/helpfiles/etc:

“Role-playing…is not considered an option by the creators of the world, it is a strict requirement. If you do not want to role-play, please go elsewhere.”

“…it is expected that you will play your character consistently…”

“Although it is just a game, try to imagine yourself as your character, and act as your character while in the game.”

“…try not to let your own desires get in the way of role-playing your character…”

Second, my complaint based on this:

“…My character, Evalyn, was named “formally” as “assistant to Lord Oash”.

Privately, she was assured she was now “Aide/Concubine”.  Player of Iancu Oash apparently found out Evalyn (character) was played by me (male) when, after HE requested it, I registered for the Oash GDM forum…

“His response (PUPPY EDIT: see below) makes clear, to me, that his intent is to ignore/phase out my character, or simply avoid her until – without the intimate roleplay connection she had for four days straight with a Lord, including being told intimate secrets/shown around his estate/being promised-offered anything I basically wanted in shops…etc… gone – she inevitably gets killed or just fades away until such time that he can use his OOC distaste to “legitimately” alter his IC play enough to dismiss her.

Suspending his character basically would give him what he wants – I would die or fade away, problem solved.  So I’m hoping there’s some way you can tell him, basically: roleplay your character as your character, without (potential) homophobia creeping into it, without using OOC feelings to (not so subtly, or) subtly alter your play until it’s seen as “acceptable” IC to dismiss someone you basically gazed at with doe-eyes until you found out OOC info.

Third, quotes from Iancu’s player:

“…I would be more comfortable toning down the more intimate aspects of the character relationship, honestly.”

Puppy Translation: You’re a guy?  I gotta cut you loose…I’ll find out some way to do it “IC”, cuz I’m a ten year vet and know how to abuse the system.

“It should be easy enough to make the decision ICly.  I was already sort of hedging my bet with what role would be best for Evalyn in the clan you – might have noticed…”

Puppy Commentary: Complete lie.  See evaluation, part four, below.

“Hopefully it’s not too awkward or upsetting to Evalyn if other aspects seem to cool down.”

Puppy Translation: I hope you don’t mind me using OOC info to alter my IC behavior.  Hopefully it won’t be TOO annoying to you, cuz I’m gonna do it, one way or another.

I mean, this guy’s running slipshod over the rules.  OH!

Fourth, summary of Inky situation:

Well basically, it Orinoco blows.  But here’s more detail:

It’s supposed to be, as empirically proven by their own discussion board, website, rules, constant arguments on the subject…a ROLEPLAYING mud.

So…I made a female character.  Because I liked the character idea.  Not to seduce some poor unsuspecting male into MUDsex.  Evalyn, based on Evelyn from ‘The Mummy’. 

I watched the flippin movie like 6 times in 3 days just to get EVERY mannerism down:  how she smiles, WHEN she smiles, how she talks, what words she uses, what words she avoids, how she walks, how she sits, how she talks to herself…EVERYTHING.  Why?  Cuz I like to ROLEPLAY well on a ROLEPLAYING mud.

So I’m playing the female character, not once saying “Hi. I’m a female player.”  Why?  Because it’s a ROLEPLAYING mud, not a play-your-own-sex MUD.

In fact, nowhere (I looked) in the: helpfiles, website, discussion board, all going back OVER A DECADE does it ever once, in any way, explicitly or implicitly say (or suggest) that you should play your own gender.

Ok, so I roleplay Evie AS Evie.  Cuz, you know…ROLEPLAY.  And I meet this other character…let’s call him Mr. I. 

(Although his real name is this: Iancu Oash, Lord of a Noble House, the stocky, spade-bearded man, tiny penis (that last one is pure conjecture))…

…Played by someone who’s been playing Armageddon for TEN YEARS…so…you’d expect they’d know how to/want to ROLEPLAY. And they’d know the rules about NOT USING OOC KNOWLEDGE IC.  Huh?

And there’s HOURS and HOURS and HOURS of roleplay, eventually, between myself and Mr. I.  EVERY time he sees me, he seeks a way to RP…and vice versa, cuz that’s…IN CHARACTER (see “ROLEPLAY”) since our CHARACTERS really like each other/work closely together.

He says how much he adores me, how wonderful I am, how in 20 years he’s never blah blah blah but with me blah blah blah, how he very much (in slightly subtle terms) wants to sleep with me, how he wants to take care of me forever, how he wants me to never touch another man, how he’s “willing to go as slow as I need” (Puppy translation: I wanna fck you so bad that I’ll wait for the MudSex until you’re good and ready, just PLEASE don’t fck anyone else cuz I’m like, sensitive!).  I mean, he ASKED me to be his concubine.  FLAT OUT.

Then, after he finds out PLAYER is male (because he ASKED ME PERSONALLY to request access to a board which ASKED ME to give my GDB name, which SAYS my gender…not like I said “haha I’m a guy!”), I send him two messages.  Both to the effect of:  I realize that now that you know player is male, you may feel uncomfortable with certain aspects of roleplay, I would be HAPPY to change (WITHIN REASON) as long as it’s IC if you are uncomfortable, please write back I just want to keep playing…all very polite, respectful…respecting PLAYER as a person.

And what do I get?  No response, even though he got my message (at least the first one the same day…)

And CHARACTER suddenly, for no adequately explored reason, goes from “COMPLETE DEVOTION” to “casual business relationship”???.  NO in character reason…at least, that’s what he suggested in his (eventual) reply.

*After I spend HOURS rearranging his barracks with him gone for male-playing-female avoidance reasons…”Let’s let the newb do the grunt work before we ditch her/him”*

Ummm…this is one of our VETERANS, Armageddon?

I mean, I’m not saying that anyone’s homophobic, but let me quote Kurt Cobain:

“I am not gay.  But I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes.”

A ten-year-vet NEWB.  SAD.

Oh, on a side note:

Orin, who appeared as soon as I logged on (Day two, A.I. (After Iancu)) and seemed to be trying to annoy ummm…my CHARACTER…and who was, out of four applicants, the only one selected to join Iancu’s House):
Date Player Registered: December 15, 2002

Player Of Iancu:
Date Registered: December 19, 2002

WELL GOLLY GEE WHAT A CO-IN-KEE-DUNK!

“Why, that’s the exact amount I just gave Mr. Scroggins!”
“Well ain’t that a coincidunce!”

“All I want is what your MUD claims to be: IC handled IC.  If he doesn’t like it, and thinks it’s “unfair” to have to RP with a male player…well, to quote one of Armageddon’s rules…tough.  Live
with it or not.”

“I mean, I’d say just ask him.  Ask him if we RPd very intimate scenes, he told me a secret that would get him killed, he offered to buy me anything I wanted, he said “You are my Aide and Concubine”…and if he’s slimy enough to lie, I guess I get screwed.  Because he did all those things, and now he’s trying to say “well, I actually wasn’t even sure what role she would have…”.  Because he found out I’m male.  OOC info, used IC.  It’s as simple as that.”

“It’s about the fact that he told me he would radically alter his IC roleplay based on OOC information.”

Sad.

I’d like to point out, any opinions expressed are all my SUBJECTIVE OPINI ONS, for purposes of CRITICAL ANALYSIS.  I COULD be wrong…I mean…yeah…but I COULD.

-Puppy >.< Yip!