Kirk goes on trial for the death of a crewman, his statement of defense apparently contradicted by the ship’s computers. It’s got a lot of padding and over-dramatization. Marginal.
Highlights:
book-loving lawyer
Lowlights:
quarter-a$$ed ending
really silly microphone prop
The Enterprise gets seen in “modern times”, has to erase evidence it was seen, then goes away, etc…
It’s relatively laid-back and not particularly exciting in any way, but it’s not horrid. Watchable.
Highlights:
guest actor
Lowlights:
Exaggerated focus on/reaction to Spock
some time warp cr@p
Spockism: “I am.”
Basically it’s Kirk, a guy in a dumb lizard-man costume, and chemistry 101. I loved this when I was a kid. Now I find it largely boring.
Highlights:
Spock’s fight play-by-play and analysis
Lowlights:
contrived intro character conflict
contrived intro Kirk-overacting
Gorn-grunts
Kirk and Sulu, and eventually many more, are plucked from the Enterprise to entertain a powerful yet childish being with a fascination for Earth history.
Highlights:
Trelane before he was a Klingon commander
Spock vs. Trelane
Lowlights:
talking green blob drama
Spockism: “I object to you. I object to intellect without discipline. I object to power without constructive purpose.”
Spock, McCoy, Scotty and a few others get trapped on a planet with aggressive humanoids that throw a lot of spears. Kirk races against time to find them (The group of crewmen, not the aggressive humanoids or the thrown spears…good parody idea though! One in a row!).
Decent, and worth watching for the focus on Spock at least.
Highlights:
Spock’s leading role
Spock admitting that logic does not always have all the answers
Spockism: “I neither enjoy the idea of command, nor am I frightened of it. It simply exists.”
The planet of instantaneous thought-manifestation. It’s kind of cute and kind of interesting. I always think it could be better when I see it, because it could. But it’s decent.
Highlights:
relatively relaxed nature is somewhat refreshing
Kirk vs. Finnegan
Lowlights:
TENSE music near the beginning. It’s hard to get scared over a rabbit.
unconvincing McCoy romance moments
ending
Spockism: “Not necessary in my case, Captain. On my planet, to rest is to rest: to cease using energy. To me, it is quite illogical to run up and down on green grass using energy instead of saving it.”
Kirk vs. Romulan commander in a battle of wits after a truce-violating attack by the Romulans. A lot of interesting dialogue and events, as well as the usual Trek share of cheeziness. A good one, though: quite interesting if not fascinating.
Highlights:
Sarek’s performance before he was Sarek, as Romulan commander
Spock, as usual
Lowlights:
inappropriately DRAMATIC material-breaking music
unbelievably unlikely mistake by Spock (was that the BEST they could come up with?)
TERRIBLE ending
Spockism: “If the Romulans retained this martial philosophy, then weakness is something we dare not show.”
Continuation of the trial and flashbacks. The flashbacks are certainly more interesting than in part 1…if you want to see the interesting parts of ‘The Cage’, this (part 2, that is) is all you really need.
Spock hijacks the Enterprise, starting a chain of events on board the ship featuring a trial and flashbacks to the pilot. The trial is interesting, the flashbacks plod.
Highlights:
Spock’s performance
Lowlights:
Spock version 1
A personal second-tier favorite that I think is overlooked.
A man escapes from a penal “rehab” colony, apparently
deranged…then things get creepy, both in mood and action.
The Vulcan mind meld is introduced, albeit somewhat awkwardly.
Highlights:
Van Gelder’s performance
the natural creepiness of Tantalus
Lowlights:
wooden “energize” guy
gently moseying redshirt guard
Kids against Grups, BONK BONK on the head planet. Race against extremely nasty virus.
The Big Three in the landing party, plus two red shirts and Yeoman Rand before G’n’R. picked the one he was dating. Or married to…I don’t care.
Highlights:
Miri and the other kid leader’s acting
fairly interesting premise
Spock vs. McCoy, always an interesting conflict
Lowlights:
Rand’s leg line
remarkable timing
no blah blah blah
The pros and cons of androids. Very little Spock, unfortunately.
Highlights:
the premise
Corby’s performance, for the most part
Andrea (for me, at least)
Kirk vs. Kirk
actual emotional involvement
Lowlights:
insufficient Spock
stupidity of the setup
Spockism: “Frankly, I was rather dismayed by your use of the term “half-breed”, Captain. You must admit it is an unsophisticated expression.”
Good Kirk split from Evil Kirk. Also known as Shatner’s excuse for yelling at lifeless Trek fans from an old SNL episode:
“GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it’s just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you’re dressed! You’ve turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!”
Highlights:
cute doggies…even the evil one!
the initial premise
Lowlights:
diabolical background lighting for Evil Kirk
diabolical acting by Evil Kirk
diabolical sexual assault joke by Spock (I blame the writer)
Spockism: “I survive it because my intelligence wins out over both – makes them live together.”
The start of uninterrupted Star Trek as we know it. Good episode…lots of interesting visuals and performances. It’s the “emotions to the forefront” virus episode, if you don’t know.
Highlights:
Riley’s eccentric performance
Spock’s dramatic performance
Lowlights:
Kirk’s overly dramatic performance
that whole time warp thing
Really good story concept, and executed pretty well. Man slowly turns into god-like being, absolute power…etc. The last remnants of pre-Trek are featured here in the cast, weird uniforms, etc.
Highlights:
Gary Mitchell’s performance
CREEPY eyes
Lowlights:
leftover rejects from Star Trek Mach 1
Spock’s over-emotion
Yes Charlie, THAT is a girl. Boy howdy.
Moral ambiguity here…some. Which makes it more interesting. It’s somewhat reminiscent of ‘It’s A Good Life’ – not as good or as creepy, but similar in some ways. I get feelings of borrowings from other sources as well, but I can’t quite place them.
Highlights:
Charlie’s performance
the ending except for…
Lowlights:
Kirk’s husband bulge
Spock’s overemotional rec room scene
Rand’s ending overacting
Spockism: “Your illogical approach to chess does have its advantages on occasion, Captain.”
Episode numbers as per Netflix streaming, cuz it’s easier for me.
No moral ambiguity here…dumb, evil creature kills other creatures. Sole purpose of creature’s life: self-preservation. LaVey’s fav episode.
Said creature fails to generate any sympathy because it’s so evil and it dies because it’s so dumb. I mean, here’s a flippin’ idea: go to the mess hall and order salt. Or say “Hi, I’m an alien, I need salt”.
Highlights:
Riley! briefly…no dialogue…
Yeoman Rand…too bad G.R. didn’t date her instead
Lowlights:
incredibly lame search noises
salt stupidity…it can almost TASTE it!
lame stun effect
a rather weak ending
Spockism: “Fortunately my ancestors spawned in another ocean than yours did.”
This is not Star Trek. This is the failed version that got rejected before Roddenberry re-tooled the cast. And what little value it has on its own can be seen later in the superior (and true-to-form) two part ‘The Menagerie’…although I personally don’t care much for that either. At least it’s Star Trek, Jim, as we know it.
Future episodes deemed worthless will be skipped. Since I’m a sucker for this show’s charms, that won’t be many.
No grades for these.
10/20/13: Episode number adjusted for Netflix streaming order cuz it’s easier.
Four/five/six episodes in and I feel exactly the same as one episode in.
No, check that…one episode in I had hope.
So I’m stopping here. Because if I want “fairly amusing” there are plenty of other places to get it that don’t have that as an absolute, non-negotiable, completely repetitive ceiling. And there are plenty of times it doesn’t even reach that.
Better than episode 2. So I keep watching, I guess.
Typical pseudo-goth villain: they can let evil sh1t happen, but they can’t actually DO it. Pose(u)rs.
Highlights: persistent screams, extra kick, Todd’s dream.
Inspirational Quote: “I thought you’d like them because they’re dead…and gothy.”
Not as funny or witty as the first. Oh well…it’s good enough to make me watch number three, at least.
Jason Mewes tones Jay down a little as the high school janitor. He’s a BRILLIANT advice-giver.
What’s the story? None, really…same as the first. Different possessed, different variations.
Highlight: Ultra-erotic homunculus lure.
Inspirational Quote: “Look, just because some teacher carved a pentagram into his own forehead and then slipped in his own blood…”
Surprisingly witty (so far) and raunchy mock-horror-ish comedy from Canada.
Guest appearance by Jay near the end.
Better than most Joss Whedon sh1t. So far, at least. I’ll keep you posted.
Inspirational Quote: “You doesn’t care about me!”
SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t seen ‘How To Train Your Dragon’, DON’T WATCH THIS.
Two very short films, 17:56 and 17:00. Kinda cute(sy), but boring. For HTTYD fanatics and small children only. Guess that spoiler alert doesn’t seem so bad now, huh?
Grade: D-
Kinda cute. A decent, fairly pleasant way to kill 2:31.
Here’s hoping Travis sticks with the subtle comedy/cleverness that made this watchable and doesn’t veer into the gross awfulness/awful grossness I’m sure some of his fans are hoping for.
Grade: C
Satanists/LaVeyan Satanists deny any affiliation with this guy.
This is for racists and homophobes only. Or, for those very few friends this guy has that don’t know what a POS he is. Even in hatred, he can’t muster much energy.
Grade: F-
Awwww…poor guy. I feel your pain.
Grade: B-
Nice colors, pleasant background, great animation. Starts out majestic and then quickly turns not.
Cute, if you like crude humor. Cuz it’s not just crude…it’s fairly clever. Hence: funny.
Lows: The cat’s laugh and the eternally easy ending.
Ahhh…forbidden love.
Grade: B
Even if you appreciate the majesty that is all things bat, it would be hard to watch this combination of blatant, half-a$$ed ripoffs and dull attempts at originality/sentimentality with anything more than tolerance and occasional mild interest.
Recommended only to families containing very small bat-obsessed children.
Like episodes 1-3, only much less funny.
Like ‘The Naked Gun’, only much shorter. ‘Ring Of Fear’ is my fav, but they’re all pretty much the same.
If you’re not a fan, this is useless to you. If you are one, it probably is too, except to see if you think I’m an idiot re: my favs. So to be of any use whatsoever, I’ve just decided to list the episodes that I think are NOT worth your time, even if you are a fan (like me). These are the ones that are either embarrassingly and consistently bad, or that have so few good moments and are otherwise so completely DULL that they’re not worth the time. Listed by number and name, for those that haven’t memorized both, to know what to steer clear of.
Episode 1 – Pilot: The Cage
Episode 7 – Mudd’s Women
Episode 11 – The Corbomite Maneuver
Episode 14 – The Conscience Of The King
Episode 28 – The Alternative Factor
Episode 57 – Spock’s Brain
Episode 74 – The Lights Of Zetar
Episode 75 – Requiem For Methuselah
Episode 76 – The Way To Eden
Episode 78 – The Savage Curtain
10/11/13: I changed my mind. Will (briefly) review episodes, except those deemed unworthy of review, in the near future.
I certainly can’t recommend this, because there’s no way I’m gonna watch all 26 episodes.
But of all the anime I’ve seen, it’s definitely got the best sense of humor (about itself and anything else) along with really bad taste.
It’s intentionally silly to the point of absurdity but it’s smart enough to make a few good jokes along the way: it pokes fun at villains, heroes, drama, itself, sentimentality, japanese anime, good, evil, life, death, etc…
Also, it features the (at least tied for) most annoyingly perpetually ultra-cheerful really-high-pitched when-will-she-lower-from-a-screech sort-of-evil kinda-heroine weird-a$$ multi-death-absorbing slightly-fanged scantily-dressed-as-usual-in-these female lead character I’ve ever seen.
I tried watching a lot of anime…I really did. This is the most clever I could find.
I’d say watch the first one and proceed from there as you see fit.
You would like to watch…you would like to watch, you…WOULD like to watch…
Classic bit done very well.
Grade: A-
That’s all that matters, folks!
Highs:
convenient sign
glasses dissatisfaction
chalking the baton
DRAMATIC pause(s)
inconvenient clothing adjustment(s)
full-body conducting
rock-star-ish instrument destruction
music-loving fly
Lows:
insufficient jokes w/ the cuteness
battle conducting
Grade: B-
Highs:
Lots of stuff you’ve seen before
Lows:
Lots of stuff you’ve seen before
Grade: C
Why did this win an Academy Award when no Bugs Bunny cartoon before had? Well, since this clearly isn’t anywhere near the best of them, I would guess that the Academy was giving Bugs a “Lifetime Achievement Award” before the cartoons got too boring/repetitive. Just in time, in that case.
Highs:
oh, the pageantry
kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit…
“what’s up, doc” enquiry
majestic steed
overall animation and score
tragic ending
Lows:
too much magic helmet
it’s impressive and interesting (at least to watch once), but it’s not funny. And isn’t that supposed to be the point?
Point of review: Yes, there are many “classics” I don’t review. Why? I watch them, I don’t think they’re worth the time. This is included only because it’s “historic”. Sort of.
Grade: C
Highs:
Open Iterations
Bugs’ horrific directional sense
Daffy’s greedy eyeballs
forceful Bugs dismissal
Daffy calling it first
re-emergent bunny head
Daffy’s poor danger-sense
Hassan’s impressive chops
Daffy’s unflinching loyalty in the face of danger
bottled rabbit, unbottled
habitual greedy slobbiness
really impressive rope trick
forceful genie dismissal
happy little miserdom
Lows:
pre-rope trick exposition
Grade: A-
Highs:
lurking shark
recurrent cute shark retreats
shark nicknames
Bugs’ rabbit stew desire
relucant toes
bone-fetching shark
shark with legs and feet
one Sampower
convenient ocean sign
Lows:
Bugs Bunny-arrival-and-capture exposition
Grade: B-
Highs:
ugliness confirmation
cute hideous mask
non-union witch
crisis of ugliness
sudden tea party departure
the magic of sweeping
snagging the Bugs
ADORABLE eyes
adorable-eye effect
adorable pet tarantula memory
post-tea Hazel…rowr
the great flying race
Lows:
some of the chasing
Grade: A-
Highs:
artiness
cast-iron tuxedo
knight’s impressive toitle
a big one
unimpressed by other impressive toitles
valiant sword attempts
the leg is mightier than the horse
horny-toads of unusual size
putting out the dragon
cute but sad dragon retreat
pig suit removal
endless donkey
Lows:
the ending
Grade: B+
Highs:
Clyde’s adorableness
little statue
no tacks with tea
presidential gadzooks
slip warning
non ice cream fans
mysterious ships-in-bottles
Clyde’s adorable seething fury
Lows:
nothing PARTICULARLY exciting
Grade: B-
Highs:
Bugs’ impressive knowledge
knowing too much
long phone connection
Bugs’ helpful railroad crossing advice
Bugs v. Bugs
turning on the stove? He might, rabbit…
throwing in a lighted match???
stove routine, redux
Bugs’ impressive toitle
Lows:
Basil Exposition
letting him have it
Grade: B-
Highs:
intro bull antics
lack of Albuquerque turn
steamed tail
frustrated bull
convenient anvil
fickle crowd
betrayed by own horns
the bugs slapping dance
tail-gun confusion
Bugs’ quick will and prayer
quick construction
Wile E. plan (except it works)
Lows:
dazed dance gag
over-sharpening
Grade: B
Highs:
eye scanner
incorrect gear
Daffy’s plan
lovely Martian claim
effective vest
effective disintegrating pistol
interesting ultimatum bullet
aggressive ultimatum response
X-shattering kabooms
successful lump of dirt claim
Lows:
Porky
Porky/Daffy’s plan
birthday explosive
Grade: B- (Fun but overrated)
Highs:
Daffy thrusting into confused nothingness
scenery reminder
barnyard Musketeer
farm igloo
skiing into the tropical foliage
rubbing out Daffy
inappropriate gee-tar sounds
perturbed duck
inappropriate duck sounds
coloring the duck
inappropriately re-forming the duck
ADORABLE Daffy the walking flower-thing-with-rear-flagpole
collapsing cartoon
Daffy v. Daffy…sort of
Lows:
excessive duck cruelty near end
Grade: A-
Highs:
donut parking
nice hunk of aircraft
dramatic asset reduction
lucky random button-push
anti-meanness strike (with sugar)
generous wheel gift
extremely sensible robot pilot
fortunate air brake
Lows:
Bugs’ first pilot impression
some of the middle antics
Grade: B- (Just barely…phew)
Highs:
extreme sign proliferation
awfully unsportingness
preposterousssness
Daffy’s angry eyeballs
triumphant pre-shot tongue
Pronoun Trouble!
still lurking aboutness
sheer honesty demands
Hawkeye’s chance
recurrent tongue
Lows:
Aha! moment
Grade: B (Although the “pronoun trouble” discussion and pause thereafter are moments of comic/timing genius)
12/25/12: I wish I could give it an A, but unfortunately even the most generous analysis doesn’t allow that. Grade: B+
Highs:
ultra-quick landing
ultra-quick escalator
Marvin the Martian (with exciting bugle)
ultra-quick feet
special dispatch
lovely tracks
VERY angry Martian
concerned letter re: disintegration
labeled Bugs
labeled Martians
celestial body snagging
Lows:
espionage theory
rampant strait-jacketing
space iceberg theory
Grade: B-
Highs:
penguin w/bowtie and hat
penguin-hat
adorably tearful penguin
Bugs’ adorable eyeballs
upside-down hat tip
Bugs dismissing Bogart
recurrent Bogart vs. natives
crying ice cubes
recurrent Bogart
Lows:
Bugs’ song
Grade: B-
12/25/12: Tis the season to re-assess cartoon grades. Grade: B
