I Am Puppy Hear Me Degrade – Depeche Mode, “Personal Jesus”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1xrNaTO1bI

:06 – She’s got the idea…Run Lola Run!
:13 – You can lead a horse-cam to water but you can’t make it stop filming bad videos.
:23 – So Fast Fashion formed in a village when two pickup drivers met two horse riders?
:35 – The Chicken Of Tomorrow!!!
1:04 – So faith is found in a scrubland brothel?
1:32 – “…Even shallower lead singer David Gahan, who likes Gore’s message because it’s a good way to impress girls…”
1:40 –  It’s all in the hooter.  The schnauz.  The olfactory instrument.
2:01 – “I am repelled by your touch.  Leave me alone, I’m being artsy.”
2:09 – “Hmmm…I wonder if she faked it…”
2:12 – OMG suggestive imagery!  See?
2:16 – That’s a long one.
2:18 – Easy, partner…
2:22 – What’s the deal with the horse images spliced between sexual sounds?  Well…that is a nice…WHAT AM I SAYING???!!!
2:28 – Phew…we’re done.  We certainly got our two minutes worth.
2:30 – So you’re RIDING…I think you need lessons on subtlety from Ms. Amphlett.
3:04 – I wonder if they faked their rhythm more than the women faked their orgasms?  Or vice versa?  Or who cares?

Bryan Adams

Anthology (2005)

Selected to prove that Bryan Adams can write a WHOLE lot of really bad songs.  I mean, this is two and a half HOURS of pure Bryan Adams.  Out of that time, let me sum up the total excitement –
“*Riff Riff*  “Oooo yeah I love this!” “Got my first real six-string…” *Riff Riff* “Ohhh..yeah…that was a cool song…” “Over at the five and dime…” *Riff Riff* “Oh well…wanna make out?”

Grade: D-

Alice Cooper

Alice Cooper’s Greatest Hits (1974)

“I’m Eighteen” and “School’s Out”, believe it or not, were actually considered “hard rock” at the time.   Now they’re considered fun novelty songs.  Controversial, perhaps, then.  Laughable, mostly, now.
Or at least chuckle-able.  But Alice Cooper > Gary Glitter for doing it a few times.
(“Billion Dollar Babies”)

Grade: C

Betty Curse

Here Lies Betty Curse (2006)

Notable as the vehicle for former aspiring actress Megan Burns (’28 Days Later’), who decided she’d much rather direct…errr, I mean front a pop band, so using her 15 minutes she secured a recording contract, bombed and was subsequently dropped.  There’s nothing “goth” about this music, except perhaps its pretension…however, unlike say, Placebo or even (say it ain’t so) Depeche Mode, there’s no guilty/fun pleasure/reward here…it’s Tiffany after a funeral, or an angst-ridden teen’s poetry journal set to dull synth music.  I dub thee, Miss ABBA of Gothville.  Bow down and be forgotten.

Grade: D-

The A List – Music

Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin IV: A+
Nirvana – Nevermind: A+
Soundgarden – Superunknown: A+
Pearl Jam – Ten: A+
The Police – Every Breath You Take (The
Classics): A+
Alice In Chains – Jar Of Flies: A+
The Beatles – Abbey Road: A+
Led Zeppelin – Boxed Set: A
Aerosmith – Greatest Hits: A
Nirvana – In Utero: A
The Police – The Police: A
Nirvana – Nirvana: A
Alice In Chains – Dirt: A
The Rolling Stones – Hot Rocks: A
Pink Floyd – A Collection Of Great Dance Songs: A
Nirvana – Icon: Nirvana: A
U2 – The Best Of (1980-1990): A
Nirvana – Unplugged In New York: A
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – Greatest Hits: A
Led Zeppelin – Houses Of The Holy: A
Yes – Fragile: A
Led Zeppelin – Physical Graffiti: A
The Doors – Greatest Hits: A
Pearl Jam – Vs: A
The Smashing Pumpkins – Siamese Dream: A
Metallica – Ride The Lightning: A
Stone Temple Pilots – Purple: A
Various – MTV Buzz Bin, Volume 1: A
Belly – Star: A
Fleetwood Mac – Rumours: A
Steely Dan – A Decade Of Steely Dan: A
Ministry – Psalm 69: A
The Rolling Stones – Forty Licks: A
Green Day – International Superhits! : A
Temple Of The Dog – Temple Of The Dog: A
Stone Temple Pilots – Core: A
Guns N Roses – Appetite For Destruction: A
Ministry – The Mind Is A Terrible Thing
To Taste: A
Billy Joel – Greatest Hits Volume 1 & Volume 2: A
Lynyrd Skynyrd – Gold & Platinum: A
Duran Duran – Decade – Greatest Hits: A
The Pixies – Bossanova: A
Creedence Clearwater Revival – Chronicle: A-
Pink Floyd – Animals: A-
Metallica – Master Of Puppets: A-
Bad Company – 10 From 6: A-
Pink Floyd – Echoes: The Best Of Pink Floyd: A-
The Beatles – Magical Mystery Tour: A-
The Cars – The Cars: A-
Def Leppard – Hysteria: A-
The Who – My Generation: The Very Best
Of The Who: A-
ZZ Top – Greatest Hits: A-
Pink Floyd – Dark Side Of The Moon: A-
The Pixies – Death To The Pixies: A-
James Horner – Braveheart (Soundtrack): A-
Neil Young – Greatest Hits: A-
Queen – Greatest Hits: A-
Aerosmith – Toys In The Attic: A-
Tom Petty – Full Moon Fever: A-
The Moody Blues – Greatest Hits/Legend
Of A Band: A-
Type O Negative – Bloody Kisses: A-
The Pixies – Doolittle: A-
Eagles – The Very Best Of The Eagles: A-
Limp Bizkit – Significant Other: A-
The Who – Who’s Next: A-
Bruce Springsteen – Born In The U.S.A.: A-
Pearl Jam – Vitalogy: A-
Nirvana – Live At Reading: A-
Peter Gabriel – The Definitive Two CD Collection
(Hit): A-
David Bowie – Changesonebowie: A-
Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here: A-
John Mellencamp – The Best That I Could
Do 1978-1988: A-
Curve – The Frozen EP: A-

Last Updated: 10/17/23

Eagles

The Very Best Of The Eagles (1994)

This band has been accused of being sexist.

For me, their greater offense is being sappy.   After all, plenty of bands over the years have been EXTREMELY sexist in their lyrics and haven’t gotten panned nearly as much.

So it’s much more painful, to me, to have to listen to Don Henley trying to croon “Desperado” than it is to hear the “sexism” of “Lyin’ Eyes”…after all, women DO cheat too.

My preference is to hear them either rock out or perform some good old fashioned pop, with the emphasis on pleasant harmonies rather than whatever-the-hell-they-happen-to-be-saying.  Which they do quite a lot, at their best.  And this IS their best.  Most of it, at least.  Meh.
(“Witchy Woman”, “One Of These Nights”, “Hotel California”)

Grade: A-

Joe Walsh (including ‘James Gang’)

The Best Of Joe Walsh (1978)

Joe Walsh always had a fairly original, signature guitar style.  The problem was writing good songs to showcase that style.  Presented here is most of his best pre-Eagles material, and while you may find his voice annoying (I know I do) and the songs very similar to one another (Not a problem if you like his style, see “AC/DC”), there’s no denying the miracle anthem-by-accident “Life’s Been Good”, never approached/repeated before or since.
(“Funk #49”, “Life’s Been Good”)

Grade: B+

Babe: Pig In The City (1998)

I don’t know what the most depressing aspect of watching this movie is.

The unhumorous attempts at slapstick humor?

Mickey Rooney, a former star, in a thoroughly embarrassing and dislikeable role?

The almost complete lack of James Cromwell?

The disturbing animal scenes that should never have gotten a “G”?

The tremendous letdown from the first movie?

The costumes, scenery, and music remain attractive and interesting…but apart from a few scenes that harken back well to the spirit of the original (most notably involving Babe and an attack dog), this is fairly dismal and depressing.  Not exactly what you hope for in a “childrens” movie, unless you take your children to the cinema in order to traumatize them.

Inspirational Quote: “You must have a very thin grasp on reality.  Unless, of course, you’re suicidal.”

Grade: C

Night Of The Living Dead (1990)

Tony Todd shows in a leading role why he’s a good supporting actor.

This remake of the original ‘Night’ is less cheezy but far less innovative.  Not quite the redundancy of the shot-for-shot ‘Psycho’ remake, though.  Worth a watch for Romero/Savini acolytes and zombie-film addicts, otherwise just watch the original.

Inspirational Alteration – The ending

Grade: C

6/24/12: I’ve seen a lot of zombie movies.  Movie grading is subjective.  Therefore… Grade: C+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. It’s actually decent and different enough to be worth a watch. Grade: B-

Fighting Fantasy Gamebooks – Worthy Of Note

Book 1 – The Warlock of Firetop Mountain
Book 3 – The Forest of Doom
Book 5 – City of Thieves
Book 7 – Island of the Lizard King
Book 11 – Talisman of Death
Book 13 – Freeway Fighter
Book 16 – Seas of Blood
Book 17 – Appointment With F.E.A.R.
Book 25 – Beneath Nightmare Castle
Book 36 – Armies of Death
Book 38 – Vault of the Vampire
Book 50 – Return to Firetop Mountain
Book 58 – Revenge of the Vampire

Fighting Fantasy Gamebooks – The Essentials

Book 2 – The Citadel of Chaos
Book 6 – Deathtrap Dungeon
Book 10 – House of Hades (House of Hell)
Book 20 – Sword of the Samurai
Book 21 – Trial of Champions
Book 24 – Creature of Havoc

Above all else, Steve Jackson’s entire “Sorcery!” series (except the spell book), which contains superior writing, superior artwork, and a thoroughly linked story.

Book 1 – The Shamutanti Hills
Book 2 – Khare – Cityport of Traps
Book 3 – The Seven Serpents
Book 4 – The Crown of Kings

Fighting Fantasy Overview

You see kids, in the old days people played RPGs on tables with dice, or on a large cleared-off section of floor with dice and lots of snacks that seem good at the time but are regrettable on the drive home.

Failing this, we had to resort to drastic measures.  One of these was supplied by Fighting Fantasy Gamebooks, which were simplistic enough for children, yet complex enough for young adults who needed a RPG fix. 

The advantage of the FFG was that you could “roleplay” BY YOURSELF (Which is a bit of a contradiction…if someone roleplays and noone sees it, do they really say “Huzzah!”???).  But the limited dice-rolling and keeping of statistics, inventory, etc. provided for some aspect of the role-playing tabletop experience.

At a time when your computing options regarding games were EXTREMELY limited, these books served a useful purpose.  At least, when they were fairly well-written.  They could be read multiple times because you “chose” the path that the story took as you read.  To a very limited extent, you were “playing” your character, deciding his (or her) fate. 

Some of the books were very clever indeed, while others (especially after the first 21) were very, very bad.  And no need to worry…unlike the traditional “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, there was plenty of combat and chances to come to an untimely end in FFG’s.  In fact, it was extremely difficult to “win” any of them on the first try, and some were pretty d@mn near impossible.

Useful today mainly as pieces of nostalgia given the state of interactive computer gaming, but not without their charms and still potentially interesting to anyone that doesn’t WANT to be part of a multi-million person online “community”.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Puppet Masters (1994)

“Lone Star” Donald Sutherland adds another film to his over-possessive aliens resume, but his performance is the only highlight in an otherwise unintentionally cheezy B-list tour-de-weakness.
Try Sutherland in the far more interesting ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’.

Inspirational Quote: “One”

Grade: D

6/24/12: Sutherland gives it some undeserved class.  Grade: D+

3/25/14: Initial review was overly harsh.  If you buy into it, it’s not bad.  Grade: C-

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Cheezy and enjoyable, like ‘Star Wars’, except not as good. Grade: C

The Running Man (1982)

“An edge-of-your-seat thrill ride”, or some variation thereof, has been used so often that it’s now more useful as a laughable cliche than a true description, much like the 1987 movie ‘The Running Man’.

In this case, it’s completely true.  You don’t read this book chapter by chapter, a few nights a week.  You start reading and you turn the pages at much the same feverish pace as it was written.  That’s how it’s meant to be read, and that’s how it works.  And it works brilliantly.  It’s a bit rough around the edges, sure…but it will leave you either blown away or empty.  If you’re willing to take the chance, go for it…it’s only a book, after all, right?

Inspirational Quote: “The explosion was tremendous, lighting up the night like the wrath of God, and it rained fire twenty blocks away.”

Grade: A

The Running Man (1987)

Indescribably wretched Schwarzenegger vehicle that has absolutely nothing at all to do with the brilliant Stephen King novel.  Useful only as a media for circulating the tapes.

Grade: F

5/25/16: Compared to the book, this is sh1t. But that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily TOTAL sh1t. So I watched it again…
Cheezy writing, HORRIBLE acting by Schwarzenegger (his “emotional” refusal in the beginning is PAINFUL to watch), some really bad custumes, etc, etc, etc…but it’s got enough of a cool idea (via the book) to give it SOME objects d’ interest. Grade: D-

Thinner (1996)

Joe Mantegna’s performance as Richie “The Hammer” Ginelli is the lone bright spot in yet another bad movie based on a Stephen King (Errr Richard Bachman) book, unless you count Kari Wuhrer’s panties.

Inspirational Quote: “Like it?  Are you kidding? I *bleepin* LOVE it!”

Grade: D

6/3/12: They are VERY nice panties.  Grade: D+

6/24/12: Really.  Take a good long look.  Also, Mantegna’s brilliant if extremely underused.
Grade: C-

8/24/12: Mantegna, by himself, is as good as ‘Fight Club’.  And it’s a d@mn good thing for the rest of the movie, too.  Grade: C

Why I Like Tim Tebow

Because he’s one of a very small number of people that realizes how LUCKY he is to get PAID lots of money for playing a GAME.

I don’t understand people wanting him to fail. 

Is he a good quarterback?  No, he’s a horrible quarterback.  I knew that when Denver was winning despite him (because of their defense) and I know that now.

But it doesn’t matter.  He’s sincere in his belief, he’s a genuinely nice person, he doesn’t treat the game as his life, he takes all the insults and jokes aimed at him (some good-natured, some vicious) and shrugs them off because he’s a TRUE believer.

He doesn’t thank God when he wins and curse when he loses.

He thanks God because he BELIEVES.  He believes in hope, he believes in people, and he believes that how you conduct your life is more important than how well you throw a football.

Only fervent Atheists, complete scumbags, and the pitifully Envious have reason to hate him.

Peace.

– Puppy >.< Yip!

Babe (1995)

As gorgeous and beautifully moving at its heights as the best Disney fantasies to anyone with any semblance of child-like wonder left in their hearts, or any hope for the possible Goodness of humanity buried beneath layers of legitimate cynicism.

There are certainly relatively “dark” scenes, but these move the film away from pure escapist fantasy and closer to a realistic but positive view on (possible) reality.

The optimist’s response, perhaps, to George Orwell’s relentlessly cynical (and brilliant) ‘Animal Farm’.  Which vision is more accurate?  Probably Orwell’s.  But I like this view infinitely better and maybe (MAYBE) if more people felt the same and worked towards THIS view instead of resigning themselves to Orwell’s, it could eventually become less of a fantasy and more of a reality.

James Cromwell is excellent in an understated role, but, of course, the pig is the star.

Costumes and countryside (and music) are lush and beautiful.

The mice are annoying to me but probably hilarious to little kids.  But this isn’t a “little kids” movie, it’s far too advanced intellectually and thematically.  So I’d like to remove them, but hey, what can you do…it’s only a minor complaint.

I can’t resist a wry smile when two groups are presented, both of whose opinions are narrated with complete neutrality, both of whom prove to be wrong.  It’s an obvious reference to “ism”‘s of any kind (Sex, Race, Etc…) as being, above all else, stupid.  It’s quite clever and, to quote a wise (fictional) being – “I do, in fact, agree with it.”

Humility and dedication triumphing over arrogance, ignorance, and closed-mindedness.  10.

Ending – Cue the Sun.  That’ll do.

Inspirational Quote: “If I had words to make a day for you, I’d sing you a morning golden and true”

Grade: A

6/24/12: Just don’t listen to the mice.  Grade: A+

Brotherly Love

For those of you who missed out on a New Year’s Eve kiss, consider that at least you weren’t as unfortunate as Moe Howard…

*Moe* (Talking to a woman who then walks away, his eyes closed) “Kiss me…oh, kiss me!”
*Curly* (Shrugging and leaning in to smooch Moe) “Anything else, Sir?”
*Moe* (Opening his eyes) “I’m poisoned!”

Happy New Year

-Puppy >.< Slurp!

Viewing Recommendation

Like the informational aspect of ‘Antiques Roadshow’ but find the show itself just a bit too boring and lacking in any kind of excitement?

Like finding cool items at rummage/yard sales?

Wish they could somehow combine the two, add a live auction, and make sort of a fun/educational research show/game show hybrid?

They did.  It’s called ‘Bargain Hunt’…look for it on BBC America or (more easily) on the playback device of your choice that gets BBC programs.

And watch out for bits of old tat.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Return Of The Living Dead (1985)

It’s not a “zombie” film, because they run and talk pretty well.
It’s not a horror film because it’s far too silly.
So think of it as a comedy homage/parody to/of “real” zombie movies, most of which are much more gruesome but not nearly as clever.
You can safely call this a B movie.  On the low end.

Inspirational Quote: “Send more paramedics”

Grade: B-

2012: Oh come on, this is fcken hilarious.  Grade: B

The Three Stooges – Episode 58 (In The Sweet Pie And Pie)

Highs:
too young and too handsome
Curly thinking
musical saws
saw see saw
wedding kiss
vendor
The Shadow
skinless frankfurter
Curly’s bed solution
Larry’s chicken
big fence in Chicago
Jasper’s tapeworm
Curly getting himself

Lows:
waking up
dancing lessons stock footage
LONG pie fight

Grade: A-

The Three Stooges – Episode 57 (An Ache In Every Stake)

Highs:
frozen dainty
bent chisel
ice bowling
free sample
What a brain…
electric icebox
ruff!
What a brain…
blood/ketchup
cooking debate
Moe’s ingredients
Curly shaving the ice
stuffing the turkey
clip joint
tootsy-fruitsy
Curly’s father
slap fight
gas on…

Lows:
unfortunate cakes
icing
cake presentation

Grade: A